


50 Love Quotes Challenge Fics

by Ryu_Reikai_Akuma



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Battle of Five Armies, Battle of Five Armies - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Established Relationship, First Crush, Injury, Jealousy, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Minor Character Death, Post-Battle of Five Armies, Uncle-Nephew Relationship, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-17
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-01-19 16:44:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 50
Words: 23,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1476811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ryu_Reikai_Akuma/pseuds/Ryu_Reikai_Akuma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>50 short fics (500 words or less) revolving around Kili/Thorin, starting from before their relationship to after BotFA but in no particular order (depending on the love quote).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Right. This is the challenge I've been wanting to do since I found [the LJ community](http://50-lovequotes.livejournal.com/profile) years ago. Sadly now that I have the pairing for it, the community seems to be dead (last update in 2009). But who cares! Here's my very late entry for the dead challenge!

**_I would go anywhere to get to you, so why is it that all you have to do is smile to get to me?_ **

Thorin sighed as he sat down heavily on a chair in his sister’s sitting room. The travel had taken its toll on him. The road was difficult and full of danger. He hadn’t been able to rest properly, constantly fearing attacks and other accidents. Having several guards with him hadn’t helped to assuage his fear. They had been as tired as he, worn out by endless days on the road and difficult trade. Thorin knew he wasn’t the only one relieved to be back in Ered Luin.

At least it was a successful journey, Thorin thought to comfort himself. His stocks were sold out and he returned with some bags of coin and precious stones. However, the various aches on his body reminded him that he was no longer as young as he used to be. Perhaps for the next trade he should send some of the younger dwarfs, but he had insisted on going himself this time. He told Balin that he didn’t want to miss the opportunity to maintain his relation with his cousin, Dain, but he had had an ulterior motive.

A box containing leather bracer sat beside him, beautifully made by one of the best leather crafters of Middle Earth. Symbols and words were engraved with precision on the best quality leather Ered Mithrin could offer. It had cost Thorin more than a couple of gold coins but such exquisite craft could be found nowhere else.

Thorin knew Kili preferred bows although he was also skilled in using swords. While others mocked the choice of weapons, those who had been in battles such as Thorin himself knew the value of long-range weapons. He approved of Kili’s choice, but he often feared Kili had taken to listening to the ignorant. He knew his poor attempts to comfort would likely fail and hoped the gift could convey what he couldn’t convey with words.

Loud footsteps alerted Thorin of his sister-son’s nearing presence. For a hunter, Kili could be indescribably loud, although not it a bad way. Smiling to himself, Thorin sat straighter, waiting for the young dwarf.

“Thorin!” Kili greeted, eyes bright and smile brilliant more than the sun itself.

“Kili,” Thorin said with a nod, trying to compose himself. However it was difficult when Kili was looking at him so warmly. “I have something for you.”

Excited, Kili sat beside Thorin as he uncovered his present, their thighs and arms lightly brushing against each other. Kili laughed and grinned as he inspected and tried his new bracer, pleased with the gift. As Kili’s sparkling eyes met Thorin’s weary ones, exhaustion was lifted from Thorin’s body and he let himself smile freely. It was good to be home.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Kisses are like tears. The only ones that are real are the ones you can't hold back._ **

Today, nearly 170 years ago, Durin line lost their home. Thorin had been there when the fire drake attacked, killing those he knew, taking away that which he protected, sending him into a harsh life far from his rights. With him, thousands suffered the same fate. Once wealthy and revered, they became a lost race, wandering Middle Earth to find a living and a temporary sanctuary.

Today, Ered Luin was in mourning. Those who had survived the attack recalled the glory and tragedy of the past. Those who were too young to remember or hadn’t ever laid eyes on Erebor, quietly replayed the songs and stories of hall of green marbles and river of silver and gold. The town, the mountain, and the forest were quiet, in grieving over those they had lost.

Today, Thorin was restless. He wandered his halls, eyes downcast, quiet as a grave. None dared to disturb him, not even Kili. Instead, he waited in Thorin’s room, knowing that when his legs grew tired and his mind too convoluted, it was this private space he would be going to.

Kili forced himself to be patient as agitation would not help Thorin. He focused on breathing slowly, counting the passing second. He sang old lullabies from his childhood in his mind to calm and occupy his thoughts during the wait. When Thorin finally came, he looked up.

No word was spoken. They knew what couldn’t be said. They laid together side by side, Thorin avoiding Kili’s eyes and Kili restraining himself from making the first move. It wasn’t about him. It was about Thorin.

Thorin didn’t cry. Kili wasn’t entirely sure he had ever cried in his entire life. When he was upset the king would seek solitude or when that privacy couldn’t be found, he would convert the negativity into offense. Many had been hurt by his words when he was in such a state, Kili included. Not so many knew that Thorin didn’t mean what he said, even fewer knew what he couldn’t say or show, but Kili knew all of these.

The first kiss was as light as raindrop, and so was the second, the third, the fourth, and all of the following kisses bestowed upon Kili until he lost count. He kept quiet, only caressing Thorin’s back lightly as the king kissed every patch of skin he could reach.

An eternity passed before Thorin lay half atop Kili, face hidden in his neck. They said nothing, fingers tangling, breathing as one, as together they continued their mourning.


	3. Chapter 3

**_It's funny how someone can live each and every day without knowing that their existence is the reason you live._ **

 

Other dwarfs saw Thorin as a strong, reliable, determined dwarf. Many believed in his skills as a warrior and a leader. Hundreds followed him, entrusted him with their future. Before them, he held his head high, controlled his voice and gestures to speak only of confidence, used words (with more than some help from Balin) to inspire optimism. He was strong in body, mind, and soul in their eyes, as any leader should be.

But sometimes Thorin was tired. His tasks were endless. The expectations were without limit. Some wanted bright future in the new colony of Ered Luin, others wanted to regain past glory in long-lost Erebor. For every decision to please one, at least one other would be unhappy. He knew it was impossible to satisfy everyone, yet it was what was expected of him, it was what he should somehow achieve.

Sometimes, he contemplated stopping trying so hard. It was an embarrassment, of course. What kind of leader gave up on their people? He had been taught better than this. He had been trained better than this. Thorin knew his responsibilities well, just as he knew he must not fail any of them, but still the thought came when he was at his weariest. Those times he wondered if it was not better to live life a common dwarf with simpler worries of pleasing just few instead of the entirety of Middle Earth. Those times, he was tempted to escape his burdened life.

But then he saw twinkling eyes, innocent grin, dark air flowing in the wind. He heard his name spoken affectionately-not reverently, not with admiration (although they were there as well), but with warmth and fondness. He felt teasing, curious, and shy caresses upon him. He smelt warm hearth of home and cooling freshness of the nature on hair and skin. He tasted sweetness, better than any honey or other food of the gods, as his tongue tangled with his beloved’s. He saw past untarnished by bitterness and future bright as the sun. Then he thought this was worth protecting and fighting for.  
  



	4. Chapter 4

**_A little jealousy in a relationship is healthy. It's nice to know that someone is afraid to lose you._ **

“You’re awfully close to him,” Kili said after Dwalin left Thorin’s office. To others the young dwarf seemed as nonchalant as always, but Thorin wasn’t just any other dwarf.

“Awfully?” Thorin repeated, looking at the young dwarf sitting next to him, amused.

Kili paused, as if he had been caught in a mistake. “You’re very close to Mister Dwalin,” He amended.

“We’re friends. We grew up together. You know this,” Thorin said patiently although his lips quirked into a smirk.

“I do,” Kili admitted rather petulantly. He took a deep breath and turned the page of the book he was reading. This action in itself meant that Kili was disturbed by something as he was rarely interested in written words. Still, he continued to speak indifferently although Thorin noticed his voice grew more and more constricted as he went on. “You’ve fought battles together and hunted together. You’ve gone to taverns and pleasure houses together. You trust him with your safety and your thoughts. He’s your childhood friend, your shield brother, your guard. I know this.”

Thorin chuckled quietly. He smirked when Kili glared at him, looking both annoyed and embarrassed.

“Dwalin is a good friend to me. We have been through many hardships and, indeed, joy together. He knew me well, perhaps better than most dwarfs in this mountain. But of course you know this,” Thorin said. A smile spread across his face when Kili looked back to his book, lips pursed slightly in displeasure. “But you-you are different. You are what I thought no one would ever be. You are what no one else could ever be.”

With these words spoken, Thorin cupped Kili’s cheek. At first the youth refused to look at him but eventually he relented. As their lips met, Thorin whispered the words of his heart only meant for one, for Kili, for his One.


	5. Chapter 5

**_Find someone who will stay awake just to watch you sleep_ **

Kili supposed it was his fault. He really shouldn’t have thought walking home in wet clothes in the final days of autumn was a bright idea. Although in his defense the sun had nearly set when he fell and then pulled himself out of the stream. He hadn’t had time to dry his clothes as he knew better than to stay in the forest all alone at night regardless of his survival and weapon trainings. But, yes, it was his fault for being careless and falling to the stream in the first place.

His mother had chided him as she ordered him to remove his clothes and warm himself. Fili had given him an earful when he checked his temperature and discovered that he had a fever. It was only when his illness grew so bad he could barely stand on his own and stay conscious that they became quiet.

Dis and Fili buried Kili in layers of blankets. Now and then they placed their hands on his forehead to check the fever. They helped him drink, fed him soft food and gave him foul medicines. But, Kili still felt weak and cold, barely able to keep his eyes open for long. He let them discuss his health with Oin as he drifted to sleep.

Kili licked his parched lips and struggled to open his eyes. He wasn’t sure how long it had been since he was last awake. Time had mold into a nearly unending moment of unconsciousness, only broken occasionally by brief moments of painful and uncomfortable wakefulness. Kili rubbed his feet together under the blanket, trying to keep them warm. His body ached but still he unsuccessfully tried to sit up.

“Kili?”

Narrowing his eyes, Kili tried to focus on the face hovering above him. “Water,” He croaked out when he recognized Thorin.

Thorin lifted Kili’s head a little as he helped him to drink cool refreshing water. When Kili shook his head, Thorin put away the cup and gently rested Kili’s head on the pillow once more. A frown marred Thorin’s exhausted face when he checked Kili’s temperature.

“You look tired,” Kili managed to say, not liking the effect he brought to the king.

“I’m all right,” Thorin denied, removing his hand from Kili’s forehead.

“No, you’re not,” Kili argued weakly. “You should rest. I’ll be fine.”

Thorin sighed but didn’t bother to argue. “Go back to sleep, Kili.”

Kili wanted to say more but he was too tired and weak. The last thing he saw before he fell asleep was Thorin sitting by his side, watching him quietly, as he held Kili’s hand under the blankets.


	6. Chapter 6

**_A dream is just a dream until you make it come true._ **

Sometimes Thorin was completely ashamed of the direction his subconscious mind took. He was usually able to steer his thoughts away from the path of corruption, avoiding pitfalls many had fallen into. His sense of responsibility forbade him from taking unnecessary risks which could harm his people. They had suffered enough, they didn’t need to experience yet another failure.

But, when he was asleep, his mind wandered down the paths he dared not more than glance at when he was awake. There was gold, inevitably; glowing golden mountains which were his right but weren’t in his possession (although they would be one day. He promised himself, his ancestors, and his subjects that). But most damningly, his sister-son entered his dreams more and more frequently.

After years of denial Thorin had finally accepted his attraction to Kili wasn’t just familial. Although not necessarily forbidden-being a dwarf king permitted him many things denied to other dwarfs or indeed other races-Thorin still hesitated.

Many things were in the way. Thorin knew some still expected him to produce an heir. Others expected him to strengthen the dwarf colony in the Blue Mountains by political marriage. A handful (Balin included) seemed to want him to marry his duties. And even putting those aside, the age difference between him and Kili would be frowned upon. The archer was still so young, so adventurous, too careless, lacking in knowledge of the way of the world.

When he was awake, Thorin restrained himself with these considerations. But when he was asleep, he often found himself by Kili’s side, talking to him, enjoying the day with him, tangling in the sheets with him at night, sharing a life with him. When he was asleep, Thorin’s yearning grew.

“What is it?”

Thorin blinked, shaken from his musing by the familiar voice tinged with concern and uncertainty. “Hmm?”

Kili frowned. “You’re staring at me.”

Realizing what he had done, Thorin removed his gaze. He thought of making an excuse but the words wouldn’t roll off his tongue. He looked at Kili again, studying the bold curiosity, desire to please, and pure affection. Longing and hope tugged his heart. Was there a chance for him to be happy with Kili? “I was only thinking,” Thorin began, hoping that he wasn’t making a mistake, “of all the gold in Erebor,” Here Kili’s brows furrowed deeper, so Thorin went on, “and how you could rival it with ease.”

It was a gamble, but when Kili’s skin flushed with glee and his lips curved into a smile, Thorin knew that he had won.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the publication date of this chapter because my new fic apparently doesn't show on ao3 page and I'm not sure how long things have been like that. Sorry for any confusion.

**_You are everything I never knew I always wanted_ **

When Fili came of age, Dis had warned him to be careful with where his mind, heart, and body wandered. They didn’t necessarily go hand-in-hand, she had told him. What satisfied one didn’t always please the others; it was balance which was sought. Unfortunately said balance was elusive, and remained forever so for many dwarfs. Dis had encouraged Fili to keep searching, even when the possibility seemed dim, for the effort would be worth it.

Fili, a responsible dwarf but with a streak of rebellion, had claimed that he had found it in swordfights, defeating opponents and polishing skills to attack and defend. Dis had laughed and shook her head. She had said nothing, but her smile had suggested that she knew something Fili hadn’t realized.

Many months later Fili had admitted to Kili that he was wrong, that while his mind loved the art of swordfight and his body relished the power it brought, his heart didn’t truly belong to it. He had confessed to attractions to several dwarfs in Ered Luin although he had claimed that none quite fit what he sought.

“What are you looking for?” Kili had asked.

It was a terrible question. Fili then spent the next hour painfully describing _hundreds_ of small details he loved in a dwarf, details he hoped to find in one special dwarf. Kili had decided then and there that it was an impossible task Dis had set before Fili, that the effort of combing the entirety of Middle Earth could not possibly be worth anything. Kili had decided that he belonged to battles and hunts, and if ever he felt the need to belong with another person, it would be in someone who loved to run across fields and through forests, climb the highest trees and ride the fastest ponies, spar and wrestle for victory and good time, eat and drink to warm the heart and belly, sing and dance and laugh until night turn into day.

Now Kili lay beside Thorin on the king’s bed. The older dwarf was smoking his pipe while reading a book. A plate of fruits sat on a table next to him, barely touched. His armor was removed, leaving him only in soft shirt and trousers. Aside from tiny hums when he reached an interesting part of the book or when Kili shifted to get comfortable on the bed, he was completely quiet. Kili should feel restless (and he would be itching for something to do in half an hour or so) but he was never more content than when he’s laying beside Thorin.

Kili smiled to himself. His search was over. He had found who he was looking for.


	8. Chapter 8

**_I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special_ **

Thorin was always very busy. There was always something which required his attention: reports, negotiations, discussions, trainings, travels, and billions things Kili didn’t have much care for. It was expected, of course. As a king with thousands of subjects, Thorin had massive responsibilities. But, it didn’t stop Kili from wishing he had more free time.

When was the last time Kili properly spent time with his uncle? FIli received more attention, naturally, as he was the heir and required guidance from Thorin. Too often Thorin only spared a couple of minutes to review Kili’s progress before being pulled away for more urgent matters.

Yet Fili called him the favorite child. How could he be Thorin’s favorite when he barely ever took time to recognize Kili’s existence?

Today, as usual, Kili was at the shooting range on his own. Only few other dwarfs took archery and he had mastered everything Dwalin had to teach him. This left him alone most of the time, sullenly polishing skills no one would witness.

The arrow made a satisfying sound as it pierced and destroyed the small apple Kili placed on top of the target. He didn’t pause to celebrate, moving to the next target then he did exactly the same thing. Speed and precision were important during real battles, Dwalin often said, and Kili sharpened both in his free time although he didn’t know when he would practice the skill in real life. Probably never.

“Do that again.”

Kili turned in surprise, not realizing that Thorin was there. When the king looked at him expectantly, he hurriedly put a handful of apples on top of the targets. He ran back to his previous position and took aim. The shot was successful, as were the next ones until the last apple fell. Kili looked at his uncle, grinning proudly.

“Excellent,” Thorin commented in a rare praise. But before he could say more, an attendant appeared and called his attention.

“Gloin wishes to see you.”

Kili looked away, gloomily notching his arrows. Of course Thorin would be called away. At least this time he had five minutes of Thorin’s precious time. Although, he was sure Gloin would demand and get no less than a couple of hours discussing every single coin in Thorin’s possession. What a lucky dwarf.

“Tell Gloin I’ll be there in half an hour.”

Kili looked at Thorin in surprise when the king dismissed the attendant and smiled at Kili. “Is that all right?”

Thorin nodded. “Of course. Now show me what else you have learnt.”

His heart expanding in joy, Kili prepared his next shot. He only had half an hour, but it should be enough. He would make Thorin proud. **** __  
  



	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It seems that my updates don't show on ao3. If you have tumblr, you can [follow me](http://demonessryu.tumblr.com) to see updates/new fic posts.

**_You can't stay mad at someone who makes you laugh._ **

“It was just a joke.”

“Not everything is a joke, Kili,” Thorin growled.

Kili looked at the floor, embarrassed and guilty, and kept quiet. The lad had taken Thorin’s gold necklace to mock his brother who now had to carefully plait and braid his hair and moustache. The mockery had predictably ended with a chase. The two princes had run around Thorin’s Hall twice over before Kili finally outran his brother. That was when he realized he had dropped the necklace somewhere in his excitement to get away from Fili.

Now, the necklace might not be the most precious or beautiful object Thorin possessed. But it was the first jewelry he had purchased during the establishment of Ered Luin. The dwarfs of Erebor had been scrapping for money until then, but Ered Luin changed everything. With no small amount of difficulty they had dug the first mines and traded what they found for daily needs and to purchase resources to build the colony. It had taken them many years before they could afford to make a purchase simply for indulgence. The necklace was a reminder to years of hard work, an encouragement for Thorin to keep working for his goals even when he was exhausted.

Glaring at Kili, Thorin gave him an order, “Find it.”

Kili nodded weakly and began to comb the massive library where Thorin had found him searching for the missing jewelry. The youth looked devastated and angry at himself as he crawled on the floor to peer under tables, chairs, carpets, and tall shelves. A gentle part of Thorin pitied him, hated to see him on his hands and knees wretchedly on the cold hard floor, but Kili only had himself to blame. Why did he have to run around carrying the necklace? Why didn’t he keep it more carefully before he started his childish chase? And more importantly…

“Of all things that you could use to tease your brother… What did you do with it?”

Kili as quiet at first and when he answered his voice was quiet with embarrassment. “I hung it on my ears to make a golden moustache and beard,” He admitted.

Thorin stared at the back of his nephew’s head for a moment then erupted into a laughter when the ridiculous image came to him. Even when Kili’s ears turned red and he threw a baleful glance at him, he couldn’t stop.

“A golden moustache,” Thorin repeated, his eyes crinkling with mirth. He patted Kili’s head and shook his head fondly. “Keep searching. I’ll call Dwalin to help you.”


	10. Chapter 10

**_I look at them, and they look back with those incredible eyes, smile, and it pathetically makes my entire day._ **

Others think Kili was always happy. Indeed he tried to smile as often as possible. Making good impression is important, Dis had told him. As a public figure he should look approachable and friendly, someone who’d listen and help, someone eager to please. So, Kili learnt to smile, an invitation to people to come to him without hesitation to tell him their grieves so he could help or report their issues to Thorin and Fili.

But while he often smiled, he wasn’t always happy. Some days he was just sick with expectations on his shoulders. Others he was in a foul mood due to failure or quite simply things not happening his way. He was a politician but he was also an ordinary dwarf. He wished others would understand and accept that.

As a child Kili either ran to Dis or Fili or threw a tantrum when he was displeased. But now that he was older and (supposedly) more mature, he kept his annoyances to himself until they went away, not wanting to stir unnecessary problems arising from trivial issues.

As he stood by a window overlooking Ered Luin, Kili glared at the city in an attempt to focus on something other than his frustration. His pipe weed helped him relax but wasn’t successful in stopping him from looking at other dwarfs’ beards in jealousy and self loathing. Even most young lasses in Ered Luin had more beard than him. When Fili was younger than Kili was now he could braid his moustache already! Kili exhaled smoke angrily, sick of the constant mockery over his un-dwarf-like appearance, even questioning his position as a prince of dwarfs when he barely had any beard. It’s not as if he could control the growth of his hair and moustache!

The sight of Thorin passing by some distance away, surrounded by his advisors stole Kili’s attention. He looked at the king’s beard enviously. He knew Thorin sheared it off as a symbol of grief over his lost kingdom and people, but to Kili (and many others) it didn’t lessen his appeal. Maybe the braids in his hair saved his appearance, while although Kili had grown his hair to the length of Thorin’s, he never managed to summon the patience to properly braid it.

In his sullen musing, Kili didn’t realize he was rudely staring at the king. He nearly jumped when Thorin’s stunning blue eyes found him. There was deep fondness in the way Thorin looked at him while smiling a smile directed to no one but Kili, as if his less than appealing appearance and numerous flaws and mistakes didn’t matter. Thorin’s advisors immediately demanded the return of his focus, but Kili didn’t mind. He continued smoking his pipe, smiling to himself. The day didn’t seem so bad anymore.  



	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a bit late but I rewrote this one because the original fic made no sense/had nothing to do with the quote.

**_I don't love you because I need you; I need you because I love you._ **

Thorin had no reason to not let Kili go. Kili needed experience beyond the walls of Ered Luin. He had to go to see the world and practice what he’d learnt. It was what he’s supposed to do as a prince and Thorin’s shield. It was what Kili wanted as he had made very clear repeatedly as of late. It was what Thorin, no matter his personal opinion, would have to order him in the future. So, Thorin give Kili the permission to go on his first trip as a guard.

Thorin kept himself busy, reminding himself that he was a king first and foremost-even young careless Kili seemed to think that way. Still, he counted the days, relieved that with each that passed Kili was closer to him and at the same time resented that it grew the seed of indifferent loyalty within the prince. When the group returned, Thorin was ashamed that he couldn’t decide whether to see or avoid the changes the trip surely brought to his beloved. Kili made the decision for him.

“Thank you,” Kili said solemnly once the door of Thorin’s office closed behind him.

“What for?”  Thorin asked warily, searching for any distance that might have grown between them.

Kili tilted his head, calm and quiet, not a trace of excitement Thorin was so used to when they met after being apart for a time. Thorin’s heart sank. “For trusting me and allowing me to go. You seemed reluctant to permit me.”

Thorin looked away. “I was only worried.”

“I’m perfectly capable of carrying out my duties,” Kili protested.

How was Thorin supposed to say that it’s the very knowledge and understanding of Kili’s skills and devotion that made him worry for Kili’s love for him as a lover? How was he to say that while his blood sang at the loyalty and dedication, his heart fear Kili would cease seeing him as a lover? There was no way of saying it without being completely selfish and irrational, traits no king should ever have. So, Thorin inclined his head slightly as a sign of acknowledgement of Kili’s statement.

“I’m not here to argue. I’m sure we’ll have time for that later,” Kili said. When Thorin raised questioning eyes toward him, Kili smiled and slipped between him and his table to press a gentle kiss to Thorin’s lips. “I missed you,” He breathed against Thorin’s lips, his longing clear in his voice, reaching out to Thorin’s very soul.

Thorin pulled Kili to his lap and held him close. As the familiarity of Kili’s presence sank into Thorin, he felt his troubles easing. He was now just an ordinary dwarf, but one whose life puzzle had been completed. Contentment overtook Thorin and he welcomed it with open arms. He smiled as he rested his forehead against Kili’s, happy to be reunited with his lover.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't usually post this early in the week but I'll be away for a short (but much-needed) vacation. I haven't posted fic for [Fifty Weeks of Thorin/Kili](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/FiftyWeeksofThorinKili) last week and I won't be able to post this week either but I'm sure my writing partners will be able to supply you with wonderful fics!

**_Faith is believing in something when common sense tells you not to._ **

Kili was raised on tales of Erebor. He was taught its history before bed, in front of fireplace, on days he couldn’t leave the house. It was the foundation of his and Fili’s lives. He had never set his eyes on its majestic halls but he could imagine wandering around them, exploring the mountain kingdom and never successfully memorizing every path and secret it carried.

When he grew up he still heard about Erebor, but now knew less fantastical aspects of it. He learnt about political struggles, economic rises and declines, military aspects, social issues and its solutions, and cultural preservation and changes among other things. He learnt that it wasn’t just about heroes of the past defeating the odds to live the rest of their lives peacefully with a lovely maiden and a vault of gold. It was less a kingdom of dreams and more of a real world kingdom. Still, with every realization that not everything was right in Erebor, his curiosity burnt.

“… and the green marble walls reflect the torchlight. The ceilings are so high you feel they reach the very tip of the Lonely Mountain. The halls are decorated with ancient designs and spells not many still remember and you could wander in them for days on end and never walk the same path twice.”

Thorin always had a longing look when he spoke of Erebor. There was always something naked and fragile there and while he was still the proud king everyone knew him to be, he was also a dwarf searching for a place where he belonged. Kili moved closer to him during these moments, trying to offer some semblance of comfort.

When their sides pressed against each other, Thorin looked at Kili and smiled. “One day I will show you the halls of our ancestors. I will give you your birthright. You will be by my side, aiding me in ruling our people and sharing with me the kingdom and the rest of my days.”

For that moment Kili nearly forgot there was a dragon under the mountain and that Erebor was half a world away from Ered Luin. The unlikely task seemed possible if he tried with Thorin. Kili nodded and held Thorin’s hand. As Thorin continued his story, Kili listened carefully, eagerly waiting for the day the promise was fulfilled.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back from vacation but still can't write new fic or edit anything I've written. So, for now, here's new chapter.

**_I think the worst thing about life would be having to go through it without you._**  

Oin said that this was the closest Thorin had come to being dead since the battle of Azalnubizar. The information, along with the healer’s long age and great experience only made Kili feel terrible. The fact that everyone forbade him from seeing Thorin only made him feel worse. What were they hiding? How badly did the orcs injure him?

It wasn’t until nearly a fortnight later that Kili was allowed to see Thorin. He had previously been assured that the king was recuperating, but that didn’t ease his worry. He would not feel better until he saw Thorin truly and fully well with his own eyes.

The sight that greeted Kili the moment he entered Thorin’s room nearly made his heart stop. The dwarf, usually so strong and proud, was lying on his massive bed, covered in bandages. There were bruises and healing scars on his skin. His skin was pale, his piercing eyes duller, he was but a shadow of the dwarf Kili knew so well.

Kili sat on the bedside, wanting to touch Thorin but inexplicably fearing that the lightest brush of his hands would hurt him. “How are you feeling?”

Thorin smiled tiredly. “Better.”

Kili pursed his lips and frowned. If Thorin was feeling better now, how badly had he been before? Kili looked at the open box containing herbs on the bedside. He couldn’t identify all of them but what he knew told him that Thorin was treated for infection and fever. Thorin had the best healers in all of Ered Luin at his disposal, but what if…

“Kili,” Thorin said, lightly touching Kili’s hand, “I’m all right.”

Kili shook his head, his throat constricting painfully. “You’re not.”

Thorin sighed tiredly and Kili instantly regretted starting an argument. “I’ll be all right. But you realize I won’t live forever. One day I’ll…”

“I’d rather not think about it,” Kili interrupted Thorin sharply as pain lanced through his heart.

However, Thorin was determined to continue the conversation. “I’m much older than you. One day, sooner or later, I will go to the halls of our ancestors. When that day comes, you must be strong. I want you to not lose your heart and your spirit.”

Kili looked away, his throat and chest tight. “But not today," He said, his voice cracking.

“Whenever that day comes, I want you to live and be happy. Do you understand?” Thorin asked, squeezing Kili’s hand lightly.

Kili looked at Thorin with a pained frown then lift Thorin’s hand to kiss his knuckles. “I will live,” He said, his voice uneven, “For you I will. But I don’t believe I can be happy. Not without you.”

Thorin didn’t argue. He pulled Kili to lie down beside him. His injuries prevented Kili do more than entwining their fingers. They whispered private thoughts and feelings to each other, celebrating the moment, fearing the next, wishing that they had forever.


	14. Chapter 14

**_Never say sorry for what you meant to do._ **

“Does it bother you?”

Kili looked at Thorin, surprised to hear him speak. Until then the tall dwarf had said nothing during their walk. He simply listened as Kili told him about his latest adventures and stories he heard in Ered Luin. It wasn’t out of ordinary for him to be quiet, so Kili mentioned nothing of it, knowing that Thorin would speak when he wanted to. He hadn’t thought the first thing Thorin said would be so ominous.

“What does?” Kili asked back.

“What people said about you and me,” Thorin clarified.

“People say many things about us.”

“Indeed, and not all of them kind, particularly about you,” Thorin said in his deep gravely voice.

Kili stopped and turned to Thorin. He knew that not everyone approved of their relationship, but he had expected it. The cruelest was those who blamed Kili for damaging Thorin relationship and ending the Durin line. They insulted him for allegedly seducing Thorin. They claimed that he must’ve used underhanded ways to gain Thorin’s affection as he was far below dwarven standard of beauty.

“I’m used to it,” Kili said, shrugging slightly. He had been subjected to every kind of mockery in his life. He was continuously compared with his brother and his forefathers before him, and he never seemed to meet the bar set for him. His sources of pride, his skills in archery and hunting, were often dismissed. The only thing he had that was approved was how easily it was for him to be close to others, and even that had been harshly criticized since Thorin began courting him. But, Kili was used to ignoring people’s opinion and did his best regardless and this time wasn’t an exception.

Thorin looked at him closely, looking upset. “If that bothers you, we should end…”

“Thorin!” Kili exclaimed in disbelieve.

The king’s lips curled down in displeasure. “I don’t want to cause you any pain.”

“Didn’t you promise we’d stand in Erebor side by side as equals? Didn’t you swear to share with me not only your kingdom, but also your life? Didn’t you accept when I promised you my life?” Kili asked, grasping Thorin’s arm.

“Kili,” Thorin sighed.

“Answer me,” Kili demanded.

Thorin looked at him for a long time and nodded. “I did.”

Kili nodded in determination. “It doesn’t matter what others say and think we should do. I won’t let you take your words back. I won’t let you change your mind. And you can be sure I will never change my mind.”

Things would never be easy for them but Kili would never give Thorin up and he would never let Thorin surrender. They had made promises to each other and they would keep them. They would be all right. Kili knew it.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To anyone waiting for regular update last week, I'm very sorry. My boss was merciless last week.

**_Some things are worth waiting for...even if you have to wait forever._ **

Thorin hadn’t always been uninterested in the idea of having a lover. When he was much younger he was introduced to many lords and ladies; all of them lovely, all of them could help develop Erebor even further, but none truly caught his eyes. After the sack of Erebor he focused on survival and leading his people. As he grew more settled, once more Thorin sought a life companion, but he was too world-weary for thoughts of new hope in a new family. Courtships ended one after another until he gave up starting one to begin with. Instead, Thorin focused his life on his duties as had been ingrained in his mind from the day he was born.

However, once in a while he looked at other dwarfs who were fortunate enough to find love and wondered if maybe he had missed something significant. Sometimes he was tired of his cold quiet room and admiring but distant subjects. Sometimes being alone was painfully lonely. But then he looked at his character, the flaws he had accumulated over the decades, the darkness that shrouded his life. He looked at his past, his present, and his future and while there was hope for companion, it was dim. He had most likely missed his chance.

Thorin spent what little free time he had for his kin, those who knew the burdens he carried and offered a moment of relief for him. Dwalin and Dis were his ever-present companions in his visits to the past. Balin was constant guide in his progress to the future. Fili was a reminder to mistakes he had made and should never repeat and Kili… well.

Thorin shamefully admitted that he practiced favoritism on his nephews. He tried not to, but Kili always succeeded in making Thorin laugh and smile, bringing him joy when there had only been gloom. Kili’s naivety and carelessness occasionally tested him, but his heartfelt apologies and earnest efforts to improve taught Thorin kindness and mercy. Kili’s seemingly boundless energy and optimism encouraged Thorin to hope. Kili’s faith and admiration toward him made him thought that, perhaps, he wasn’t as broken as he had thought.

Kili found a place in Thorin’s heart no one before had ever touched, filling a hollow he didn’t know existed. When he saw Kili, the heart he long thought was dead, burst with happiness and contentment. After nearly two centuries of ignoring his heart, Thorin started to yearn, started to dream, started to love.

Thorin wasn’t a perfect lover, having forgotten how to be a proper one. With Kili, he felt simultaneously old and inexperienced. There were many things to relearn, behaviors and attitudes to change. There would be more clumsy (and occasionally unsuccessful) attempts at romance and inevitable arguments, as well as reconciliations, But, Thorin thought as he caught the pride-filled grin Kili sent him when Thorin formally introduced him as Thorin’s intended and warrior prince, these were efforts he didn’t mind making.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More of this because I still have no time to write any new fic. Sorry.

**_For some moments in life, there are no words._ **

Thorin took a deep breath as his attendants prepared him for the royal gala tonight. Despite his deep appreciation for luxury, he didn’t really enjoy formal events such as this. There were far too many rules to observe, so much restraint which to be practiced, and not to mention polite lies to weave. It wasn’t any dwarf’s idea of proper fun, save for the opportunity to cover themselves with the finest outfits and jewelries in Ered Luin if not Middle Earth, but Thorin knew the event was necessary to assert his political position.

Once his appearance was deemed perfect, Thorin left his room. Even from this deep in the mountain, he could hear music being played in the great hall to entertain the guests. He hoped no drunken fight started early.

Thorin nodded to Balin who had been waiting outside his room. “Is everything ready?” He asked Balin as he made his way to the hall.

“Yes. We’re only waiting for your arrival,” Balin answered with a jovial smile while following Thorin. “Ah, and two others’, I’m afraid.”

Thorin frowned. “Who?”

“Fili and Kili. Although I have sent for them.”

Thorin grunted quietly. It’s very likely that his sister-sons were playing with something and forgetting time. The fact that tonight would be the night Fili was introduced as his heir probably overexcited them, which was understandable but not acceptable. Frowning deeply in displeasure, he waited with Balin near the hall.

Thorin and Balin had been waiting for nearly ten minutes before Fili and Kili arrived. They were both mildly breathless, although not quite as much as their attendants, and their clothes were in mild disarray. Thorin was going to reprimand them but words escaped him as he laid his eyes on Kili.

The prince’s usually wild hair was tamed by oil, not a single strand out of place, and parts of it were put together by a mithril clasp at the back of his head. His blue outfit was embroidered with silver threads depicting his symbol. The leather he wore shone under candlelight and while he wore no fur, he looked no less regal than Thorin and Fili. He looked like a warrior prince in fairy tales.

“We’re sorry for being late,” Fili apologized for himself and Kili as their outfits were fixed.

Thorin intended to give a stern warning to FIli and Kili but Kili’s smile stopped him. Thorin felt pride, fondness, and lust battled within him at the sight. Thorin opened his mouth, compliments at the tip of his tongue, but words failed him. Nothing could truly convey how seeing Kili dressed as a warrior prince he was, made Thorin felt. Giving up on speaking, Thorin nodded to him, turned around, and entered the hall.

If anyone realized he held Kili’s hand under the table throughout dinner, no one said a word of it.


	17. Chapter 17

**_All I want is for someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay._ **

Thorin nearly ran to his sister’s house. He ignored calls and questioning looks he received, his attention solely on his family. He didn’t bother to announce his presence when he arrived at his destination, entering Dis’s house in haste.

Usually, Dis’s house was brimming with warmth and happiness. It was a place of solace for when Thorin was weary from the troubles of the world. This time, though, the house felt cold and dark with grief. Dis was in the sitting room, holding her sons tightly and crying onto their shoulders. Fili stroked her back to give some comfort although his face showed he needed it as well, while Kili stared at the floor, looking hopelessly lost. The confirmation of the report he had received felt like a solid punch to his stomach. Thorin’s brother-in-law was dead.

Thorin prepared the funeral with Balin. Dis wasn’t in any condition to help them, so he left her with her sons. Fili seemed as strong as always, staying by his mother’s side to console her. But to keen eyes it was clear that he was nearly as distraught as her and so, pitying the lad, Thorin sent Balin to take care of Dis for a moment, giving Fili the privacy to mourn for his father.

Kili, on the other hand, was uncharacteristically quiet. He stayed near Dis and Fili and brought them things they asked for and needed. He shied away from any attempt to comfort and refused when given opportunity to rest. Busy with the funeral preparation, Thorin could only send worried looks which were replied by minute shakes of head. It wasn’t until late at night when funeral preparation was over that Thorin had time to talk to Kili.

“I’ve been looking for you,” Thorin said when he finally found Kili at the roof of the house. “Are you all right?” He asked.

Kili glanced at him and nodded. “I’m all right,” He answered.

Thorin sat beside him and watched him closely. Kili was staring at the distance, aside from traces of exhaustion, his face carefully blank-too carefully blank. Thorin reached out to touch his arm. “Kili…”

“Let’s go inside. We have a long day tomorrow,” Kili interrupted, standing up.

Thorin pulled Kili’s arm. The tug was less than gentle but he feared Kili would flee otherwise and he didn’t want Kili to be alone now. When the youth was sitting down again, Thorin wrapped his arms around him tightly. “It’s all right, Kili. It will be all right.”

At first Kili didn’t react, stiffening in the rare embrace. However, he slowly held Thorin back, his hands trembling when he clutched Thorin’s coat. He was quiet but wetness slowly seeped into Thorin’s shirt as he buried his face in the king’s shoulder. Thorin held Kili through the night, petting his hair and back as he shook silently in his arms, praying for comfort for his lover and peace for his brother-in-law’s soul.


	18. Chapter 18

**_Someone asked me what I saw in you, and my only answer was everything._ **

“I hope you don’t mind me asking,” Ori began timidly. Once Kili signaled him to continue, we went on. “Why Thorin?”

Beside Kili, Fili choked on smoke. He struggled to ease the taste in his mouth for a while before laughing and thumping Kili’s back. “Indeed, Kili, why Thorin?”

Kili frowned, not comprehending the question. “Why not?”

Ori fidgeted nervously but bravely explained his question. “He is a great leader and a great dwarf but he’s not…” There Ori stopped.

Taking pity on the librarian, Fili explained for him. “I think what Ori wants to say, Kili, is that there’s a _personal_ reason why Thorin has spent a long time on his own before you.” He smirked when Kili glared at him and continued, “Don’t take me wrong. I admire him very much. As Ori said, he is a great leader and a great warrior, too. But as a partner? Well, I’m afraid we don’t understand you at all, Kili.”

Kili thought of the past few months as Thorin revealed to him other sides of himself. He wasn’t just a king, wasn’t just a warrior, wasn’t just an uncle, wasn’t just a dwarf longing for home. He was also an affectionate dwarf who conveyed his feelings through actions instead of words. Kili only had to look carefully. He provided direction and protection when Kili felt aimless and weak. He reminded Kili to his tasks goals when he was distracted by new curiosities. He was careful when Kili acted on impulse. He used his past to help Kili avoided similar sorrow. He reminded Kili of hope and the excitement of future when Kili’s responsibilities felt heavy on his shoulders. He was playful in private, making Kili laugh when he forgot how to. He loved fiercely and loyally, never letting doubt enter Kili’s mind even for one second.

No, Thorin wasn’t perfect. There were moments when his impatience and the ghosts of his past won and he spoke harsh words, when his demands felt impossible, and his sorrow kept him distant from Kili. But who was perfect and immune from mistakes, after all? He had his faults and so did Kili. Why focus unnecessarily on those, causing suffering by ruminating on them when they could forgive and be happy again?

“Well?” Fili prodded when Kili was quiet for too long. “Why Thorin?”

Kili leaned back on the tree behind him and inhaled from his pipe, smiling. “Because to me he’s everything.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still excited about this ship being as canon as it could be so I modified this chapter a bit to make it happy. Enjoy!

**_Sometimes, you need to run away to see who will follow._**  

Kili pulled his coat closer to himself in a vain attempt to keep himself warm. His limbs were shaking and he knew without looking that his nails had turned blue. He wished he had brought fur before he left home, but it was too late to regret that now. For a moment he thought about going home and basking in the warmth of the hearth instead of freezing himself in the icy forest, but some anger still shimmered in his heart although it had been hours since his argument with Fili. Returning home would mean admitting mistake and he refused to do so when he wasn’t at fault. So, Kili sat under a large tree which blocked the chilling wind. He created a small fire to warm himself and scare predators while he waited for his rage to pass.

“Kili? Is that you?”

Kili nearly jumped, startled by the familiar voice. Snow had muffled footsteps and he had been so engrossed in his thoughts that he hadn’t realized someone was coming. “Thorin? Why are you here?”

The king emerged from the dark, his coat and hood covered with snow and his face tired. He sighed long and heavy when he saw Kili. “I believe that’s my question. Your parents and Fili are very worried,” Thorin said. “Are you all right?”

Fili was worried? Was he the only one foolishly holding onto pride? Kili looked back to the fire and nodded quietly. He could feel Thorin’s piercing eyes on him. He supposed he would get an earful, if not from Thorin then from Dis, or from both of them for running away to the forest in this weather. He turned in surprise when Thorin sat down next to him.

“What happened?” Thorin asked gently.

Kili sighed, his breath creating white fog in the air. “I had a fight with Fili.” He admitted, telling Thorin how Fili had called him immature for demanding his time and how longing for a company who didn’t mock his looks or his skills had made Kili call Fili arrogant. When Fili had walked away with gritted teeth, Kili had run to the forest, refusing to swallow his stupid pride. Kili fell quiet, expecting a scolding for endangering himself over such trivial thing. Fili was right. He was immature.

However, much to Kili’s surprise, Thorin covered them both with his warm fur coat. He threw an arm over Kili’s shoulder and pulled him close to share warmth. It was unusual for Thorin to show affection and Kili couldn’t resist leaning in to him. “Fili has been busy lately but if you want, I would accompany you.”

“Really?” Kili asked, surprised.

Thorin smiled warmly and nodded, stroking Kili’s frozen cheek with his thumb. “Of course.”

Smiling, Kili shifted closer to Thorin, thinking of how he would like to spend time with his beloved uncle and how he should apologize to Fili later. Suddenly, the winter night didn’t seem so bitter and lonely.


	20. Chapter 20

**_Goodbyes make you realize what you've gained, what you've felt, and what you've taken for granted._ **

Thorin couldn’t remember what started the argument. He was sure it was an insignificant thing but it expanded as exhaustion and frustration meddled with his reasons. Hurtful words were spoken and couldn’t be taken back. When Thorin could think clearly, Kili had disappeared.

Frantically, he searched for his lover, pushing aside meetings that had occupied his mind so thoroughly for so long. But, Kili was nowhere to be found and Fili was so displeased that he wouldn’t immediately tell Thorin where his brother was. Nearly a week had passed when the blond finally revealed that Kili had insisted on joining Bofur and Bifur on a trade to another city and no one knew when or if he’d return.

Thorin wanted to write letters, to send gifts, to follow Kili to persuade him to return to Ered Luin, but a firm caution from Dwalin stopped Thorin. After how he had treated Kili, he should let the Kili decide whether to return to him or not. Thorin squeezed his eyes shut as he thought of his mistakes. He should’ve listened better. He should’ve been more patient. Kili had been very understanding with how the trade negotiation with Ered Mithrin had occupied Thorin. What he had asked for was only a short moment in Thorin’s day to talk and to be with each other but Thorin had denied him that. If Kili decided to never return, Thorin had no one else to blame but himself.

Days dragged on, each more painful than the last. Thorin did his best to focus on his tasks during the day, but at night he lied on his cold bed in regret and longing. In his dreams he saw what he might lose and what he could’ve done differently. When he woke, Kili was still far away and he had to stay.

Then, over two months since Kili’s departure, Fili came to his study. The dwarf looked mildly displeased when he announced the news Thorin had been waiting for.

“Kili has come home.”

There was nothing Thorin could do with his hasty steps as he made his way to Kili’s house, fueled by fear of missing his second chance. He inhaled deeply when he finally found Kili in his room putting away things he had taken with him in his journey.

No more effort for pretense was spared. Thorin pulled Kili into his arms and buried his face in the young dwarf’s hair. Kili was a familiar presence in his arms, fitting perfectly in a way no other dwarf could. He closed his eyes and smiled in relief when Kili held him in return. He would never let Kili go again.


	21. Chapter 21

**_I never knew I had a dream until that dream was you._ **

Dreams are curious things. They could be a collection of random thoughts or a message from the subconscious, depending on who you ask and the content of the dreams. Many scholars attempted to develop the knowledge, to understand the mysterious workings behind dreams and what they mean.

Certain dreams stand out for various reasons. Kili remembered one where he laughingly ran around an endless old forest with elves, a strange dream he dared not tell any dwarf. There was another where he was gifted a large box full of Bifur’s fascinating toys. He had been quite upset when he woke up to find it’s not true. He had nightmares, too, of being abandoned in a forest full of dark creatures and black magic, making him wake up with a terrified scream which sent Fili to his bedside with a knife. And of course, there were dreams he barely remembered which forced him to wash his sheets and clothes in embarrassment. Kili was sure, however, that he had completely forgotten most of his dreams. Curious as he was on the products of his sleepless subconscious, those were merely dreams, something to laugh at and speculate about. In the end, it was reality that he lived in and strange workings of the mind had little place in it.

And then he dreamt of Thorin.

In those dreams, Thorin was far more relaxed and happy and Kili loved them. He loved the tall dwarf’s rare laugh, his jokes, his bright eyes, and his smiles. Thorin was very serious and sometimes distant and Kili celebrated every moment when he was neither of those, even if those moments weren’t real.

He thought nothing of this peculiarity until one night he dreamt of Thorin’s hands on his hair and skin, of his lips upon his, of gentleness he had never seen. He woke up confused and embarrassed. He tried to forget it, but it came over and over, each with different prelude and setting, but with the same affection. Sometimes there was no kiss or touch, just promises and loving words, just being together and contentedly enjoying each others’ company. Those, somehow, affected him the most. Kili began to yearn. Not for a kiss-at least not only for that-but for something more, for the connection they shared in his dreams, for the affection he receive and the right to give the same in return.

Kili might not be as smart as some, but he knew his heart well. He had to lay down when realization came to him one morning after a dream of gentle kisses, warm gazes, and promises of forever. He was in love with Thorin.  



	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since it seems like I'm the only person on earth who hasn't watched BotFA (still waiting for 17 Dec *sobs*), here's a little something I edited to cheer me up.

**_People wish upon stars because one day, they hope that those wishes will come true._ **

Thorin looked at Kili, impressed, as the youth showed him various constellations in the night sky. He knew some of it, of course, but he had never been skilled in using them for anything more than very basic navigation. As a hunter it was expected that Kili knew about sky objects, but Thorin was ashamed to admit that he didn’t think his knowledge would be so expansive as to include other things not immediately related to directions.

“Who taught you this?” Thorin asked.

“Mister Dwalin taught me about using stars for navigation, Mister Balin told me myths behind the constellations, and Oin taught me divination,” Kili answered, laughing.

Thorin chuckled. “Did Oin try to make you his successor?”

“He did, but he didn’t seem very convincing, so I declined. Besides, it’s very complex and almost impossible to do properly! I kept reading about being struck by a fallen star and swept away by a flashflood!”

Thorin threw his head back and laughed, his voice very loud in the quiet riverbank they were at. He shook his head, imagining Kili arguing the impossibility of the prophecy and divination with hard-hearing Oin. It must have been quite a scene!

“What else did Oin teach you?” Thorin asked again when his laughter finally subsided.

“About stars? He taught me that if you pick a star and wish upon it very hard, you will get what you wish for,” Kili replied, grinning impishly.

“Did he?” Thorin wondered, his eyebrow arched in skepticism. “Has it been proven?”

Kili shrugged. “Why don’t you try? There’s no harm in it.”

Thorin scoffed and looked at the night sky above. There were million of glittering stars of various sizes. Some seemed close, others looked far. They were just ordinary objects to him-beautiful, but most likely didn’t have any magical wish-granting property-but as Kili had said, there was no harm in trying. So, Thorin chose a particularly bright sky in the eastern sky and closed his eyes, wishing for the reclamation of his long lost home and prosperity for his people. When he opened his eyes, Kili was looking at him expectantly.

“Did you make a wish?” Kili asked.

Thorin nodded. “I did. Did you?”

“I did a long time ago. There’s nothing I want to wish for now,” Kili said, shaking his head.

“Oh? Did the star grant you your wish?”

Kili’s gaze softened and his smile widened. The warmth of the affection in his eyes made the cold night air feel insignificant. He looked deep into Thorin’s eyes as he answered, “It did.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ao3 insisted that I updated this yesterday (20/12) instead of today (21/12). *sighs* For correct updates, find me on [tumblr](http://demonessryu.tumblr.com//)

**_We're so weird. That's what I like about us, actually._ **

Kili looked at the darkening sky with growing worry. Around him and Thorin were tall unfamiliar trees. Although he carried weapons with him, he was still wary of visiting this isolated part of Ered Luin, particularly when he only had one other dwarf with him. Kili had only agreed because when they left it was still bright outside. Now, however, he was increasingly concerned for their safety.

“Shouldn’t we go home?” He asked.

“We’re almost there,” Thorin replied. He didn’t seem very disturbed by the approaching darkness. Kili secretly wondered if the confidence was warranted because they had passed that dead elm tree three times, indicating that they’re moving in circles.

“It’s getting dark,” Kili felt obligated to say.

Thorin grunted. “Darkness doesn’t bother me. How do you find your way in mines if it scares you?”

“I’ve never worked in a mine,” Kili murmured. He was a hunter, his place was above the ground and among the trees, plants and animals. While he lived inside a mountain where the hallways and rooms were always lighted by torches and candles, he rarely visited the vast and endless tunnel system along with workers who only had candles tied to their helmets to provide light. It was yet another reason why he was often called un-dwarf-like.

Thorin glanced back at Kili, slowing down. “We’ll be there soon,” He said in assurance.

Though not entirely convinced, Kili nodded and walked by Thorin’s side, his hand close to his knives just in case, listening carefully for any sound which might indicate predators. They passed the dead tree one more time before Thorin finally discovered the right route. The moon had started to rise when they arrived at a ravine overlooking the city of Ered Luin and Kili gasped quiet at the sight.

At night the city looked unreal, a playground of fireflies. Smoke rose from chimneys but they were so far that they couldn’t hear the sounds of lives taking place there. Instead of songs and laughter he associated with nightlife in Ered Luin, there’s only gentle rustling of leaves caressed by winds, distant hoots of owls, and the near-inaudible footsteps of nocturnal animals. Kili sat down with his feet dangling over the edge, taking in the scenery and atmosphere.

“How did you find this place?” He asked Thorin quietly.

“By accident,” Thorin replied rather vaguely. He glared when Kili sent him an amused look.

Laughing softly, Kili extended a hand for Thorin to hold. The king accepted it and came to sit next to Kili. “It’s beautiful. Thank you for showing me this place,” Kili said sincerely.

Thorin nodded, looking pleased with himself. They watched Ered Luin below them and the stars above them for hours. In the stolen moment in a place mostly forgotten by others, they enjoyed each other’s companionship, happy to be together.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written long before we even had BotFA trailers, so this is definitely non canon compliant. Unless we're talking about the book, in which case it's sort of compliant.

**_Being deeply loved gives you strength; deeply loving someone gives you courage._ **

Kili gritted his teeth to fight the pain which threatened to overtake him. His body ached from exhaustion and the pain from injuries he received cut deeper and deeper into his bones. He’d been fighting orcs and goblins for what felt like hours. Nothing in his years of training prepared him for the endless wave of enemies. Kili could feel his stamina was at its limit and he moved on sheer will and instincts alone. In despair he wondered how much longer he had until his body gave up completely.

A shout drew Kili’s attention. Thorin stood atop fallen enemies, covered in blood and raising his sword to the sky, rallying his allies. Answering shouts could be heard from all around them but the enemies were undeterred. The dark creatures approached the tall dwarf, their weapons at the ready. As one, Kili and Fili ran toward their king to protect him.

Kili used everything he had learnt to protect Thorin, but he knew that he had become slow and unfocused. Still, he kept orcs away from Thorin. He could not lose this battle. He could not lose the home he just found. He could not fail his people. He must protect his king.

Thorin’s pained cry cut through the screams which filled Kili’s ears. He turned around to see the king kneeling, clutching his side where a damned orc had injured him, his blood flowing to the earth. Kili’s eyes widened, his heart clenched in fear, as their enemies shouted in excitement. Azog strode toward Thorin, an evil grin on his scarred face, raising the blade replacing his lost hand to cut the king’s head.

Without thinking, Kili jumped between Thorin and the large orc. He heard Thorin’s forbidding shouts behind him but he paid no mind to it. He used what remained of his strength even as it became more and more obvious how tiny his chance of survival was. His limbs ached and shook, and Azog’s attacks came perilously close to his body with every passing minute. He knew it was only a matter of time before the blade cut or pierced him.

Kili threw a quick glance at Thorin and thought of the plans they had made for their future, a lifetime of shared hardship and happiness, of loving and being loved in return. A sob rose in Kili’s throat but he swallowed it down and thought instead of Thorin ruling Erebor, a wise king beloved by his subjects, with Fili by his side. Kili took a deep breath and launched his attacks anew, disregarding how easily Azog blocked his sword. If this was how he’d die, then so be it.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're halfway there!

_**To fear love is to fear life.** _

“I don’t think she likes me,” Dwalin grumbled, scowling at his ale.

Thorin looked at his friend in amusement. “How do you know that?”

Dwalin glared at his friend, alcohol making him forgot that they were in a public tavern instead of a private space where friendliness toward a king is generally frowned upon. Thorin didn’t mind very much, however. It was rare to see Dwalin so troubled over anyone. In fact, Thorin had never seen him so troubled over anything for as long as they had known each other. “Look at me.”

“I am looking at you,” Thorin said meekly. He sipped his wine to hide a smirk when Dwalin glared at him. “I see no reason to think she doesn’t like you.”

After a short glaring match with a smug Thorin, Dwalin sighed. “She’s so… delicate. She likes dresses and pretty things,” Dwalin said, gesturing vaguely, “I don’t think she’s ever touched a blade in her life. I’m sure she agrees to go to the dance with me just because I frighten her.”

Thorin chuckled. “Or perhaps she likes you.”

Dwalin scoffed. He stopped to drink his ale then continued in a quieter voice. “If she’s not scared, she should be.”

This piqued Thorin’s curiosity. “Why?”

“I might hurt her,” Dwalin said darkly. “Or she might hurt me,” he said after a pause. “That seems more likely,” Dwalin muttered into his ale. The burly warrior then looked at Thorin questioningly. ”Have you and Kili ever…”

“Aye. We’ve had arguments, some of them quite heated, indeed,” he answered the unasked question.

Dwalin emptied his tankard then ordered more ale. “Doesn’t that worry you? The fighting, I mean.”

“It does sometimes. We’re both very stubborn that sometimes I think I’ll lose him, and whenever I think of it…” Thorin stopped, his face reddening when he realized what he had revealed. He cleared his throat loudly. “Well-forged steel makes excellent weapons. If you truly care for her, I assure you the efforts and risks are worth it, whatever the outcome might be“

Dwalin nodded thoughtfully and slowly finished his drink. Then, instead of ordering more ale until he could barely walk, he stood up. “There’s somewhere I have to be,” he told Thorin.

Thorin nodded and watched his friend leave. Thorin shook his head in amusement and ordered another drink. He hoped one day Dwalin would understand what he had with Kili.


	26. Chapter 26

**_Kiss; a lovely trick designed by nature for when words become unnecessary._ **

Thorin watched Kili polish his armor (it had never been used, but there’s not disadvantage in always being prepared). The tedious task didn’t interest him, it was Kili who was occupying his thoughts. It was quite common, especially since they started the courtship a few months prior, but the line of thought in Thorin’s mind this time was a little different than usual.

He supposed he had asked for trouble when he visited his sister in private a few days ago, their first conversation since Thorin started courting Kili last month. The conversation had started pleasantly enough, with no sign of anything amiss, as if nothing had changed. But a few cups of tea into the conversation, the topic of romance had entered the conversation and… suffice to say Dis had a lot to say regarding the matter. One of her many advices (or rather warnings, if Thorin was honest) had been to express his feelings clearly. As Dis had reminded Thorin with a smile too sweet to not be wary of, Thorin was quite incompetent in showing his emotions and _some dwarf_ was unfortunately unappreciative of subtlety.

“Show him. Tell him. Or you may not have a second chance,” Dis had said, a glint in her eyes telling Thorin that _she_ wouldn’t allow said second chance to happen.

Thorin wasn’t gifted with the way of the words and his actions, he was aware, were easily misinterpreted. Gifts, he knew, were only a cheap substitute of what made a relationship work. Were time, listening ears, and smiles enough to express Thorin’s sentiments? Looking at Kili who was engrossed in his task, barely paying attention to him, Thorin’s doubt grew.

“Do you know…” Thorin started. When Kili looked at him curiously, Thorin’s courage deflated slightly, replaced by embarrassment. Still, he had brought attention to himself. He had to continue. “You know,” he corrected, “that I am not always very open. I don’t express myself well.” Kili looked puzzled as Thorin went on. Damn Dis and her advices. “I’ll probably hurt you with words and action. I have unintentionally done so to others in the past and I’m afraid you won’t be an exception. I hope you know that whatever I say or do….” Thorin paused. He felt his tongue twist around the word he wanted to say and his ears burn. “You must know that no matter what….” he said, frowning as he grew increasingly frustrated with his inability to speak what he felt. “Kili, I….”

Thorin’s next word was silenced by a firm kiss. The king allowed it to happen, permitting Kili to deepen the kiss slowly. When it broke, Kili didn’t pull away, smiling as their noses bumped against each other. “I know.”


	27. Chapter 27

**_It's not that I want to have you. I want to deserve you._ **

“I don’t like the way they treat you,” Thorin growled after yet another lord complimented Kili for catching a king’s eye.

Kili looked at him in confusion. “What do you mean? I think they’re being very nice.”

Thorin shook his head and led the young dwarf to a more private place. This was not a conversation he wanted others to hear. “They don’t see you as a prince or a warrior or even a respectable. They only saw a dwarf who successfully seduced a king into letting him accessorize his throne and warm his bed.”

Behind Thorin, Kili was quiet for a moment. “I don’t mind doing those,” he said.

Thorin stopped and turned to his lover, scowling. “I didn’t _choose_ you to replace gold, jewels, and furs,” He snarled. “You are not to be my concubine!”

Kili looked taken aback. “I never think you want me to be one.”

Scoffing angrily, Thorin turned away. Kili was always naïve, always seeing the best of everything. Thorin didn’t share that view of life. He knew how to read between the lines and he didn’t like what he learnt this time. “That’s what people think,” he said angrily. He gritted his teeth, thinking of how Kili’s worth had been reduced to the status of a mere seducer. “That’s what people think of you.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Kili said lightly. When the king turned back to him, he was smiling nonchalantly, shrugging. “This is between us. Whatever people think of us is not important.”

Thorin took a deep breath to calm his anger. Kili was right. The courtship was something private, to be known closely only by himself and Kili. However, people would always talk, they would always speculate. There was nothing Thorin could do to stop that, even as a king. Still...

“Don’t believe them,” Thorin said, stepping closer to Kili, “You are far better and more honorable than what they think, than anything I ever have or desire. If anything, I’m the one who hopes that you’ll choose me, that you’ll think I deserve to be with you.”

Thorin waited anxiously as Kili studied him closely. The relationship was very new and untested and Thorin was never easy to deal with even on his best days. Kili had always been kind and patient toward him but that was before they’re lovers, when only blood tied them together. Relationships are breakable as minds are changeable. Thorin clenched his jaw, waiting for Kili’s verdict.

Tension in Thorin’s body dissipated as Kili’s lips curled into a smile, lifting the load that had burdened his mind. “I can’t think of anyone better.”

Some might never understand, or even refused to understand. Assumptions, whether false or not, would always accompany them for the rest of their lives. But with Kili smiling and holding his hand, those things didn’t matter-Thorin had all the approval he ever needed and wanted.


	28. Chapter 28

**_No three words have a greater power than "I love you"._ **

Kili grew up surrounded by affection. His parents and Fili showered him with love in gestures and words. And while Kili wasn’t the brightest students, his teachers liked him. They ruffled his hair or patted his shoulders whenever they met. His friends liked him, too, inviting him to various outings and activities and rarely declining his impulsive ideas. However, Kili wasn’t always entirely sure that Thorin loved him.

The king sent him gifts, accompanied him, and treated him differently from others, among other things. But oftentimes he was distant and even cold. Indeed it was part of Thorin’s nature, but Kili sometimes feared he reconsidered his affection, if he ever had any for Kili to begin with.

“Well, has he ever told you?” Fili asked when Kili confided his concern.

“He doesn’t have to,” Kili said to defend his lover.

Fili cocked an eyebrow. “He should.”

Fili was right. Kili would certainly appreciate knowing for sure what Thorin felt for him. But what should he do to make the king say it? It’s not as if he could just ask. How sincere would those words be when they were forced to be said rather than voluntarily spoken?

These questions filled Kili’s mind for days, fraying his focus and patience. Kili grunted when he was pushed to the ground, his limbs held immobile by Thorin’s greater strength. He attempted to escape for a while but finally realized it was futile. Digging his forehead on the ground, he gritted out his surrender and sighed in relief when he was released.

“You’re distracted. In fact, you’ve been very preoccupied lately,” Thorin said disapprovingly. He sounded like that often lately. “What did I tell you about that?”

Kili turned to his side, panting and glaring at a spot far away from Thorin. “That it could cost my life,” he said sullenly. “Not that you’d care much,” he muttered.

Kili could feel Thorin’s gaze on the back of his head but ignored it. “Of course I would,” Thorin said, his tone softer than before.

“I’m sure you’d be glad to be rid of my uselessness.” Kili said unkindly.

At first Thorin was quiet but when he spoke his voice was full of warmth. “You’re far from useless.” Thorin said, caressing Kili’s hand. “You’re an excellent prince, great warrior, and a good dwarf. I’m proud to have you by my side.”

Unable to resist, Kili grabbed Thorin’s hand and turned to his back. “All of that just to make me focus on training?” Kili joked, hoping his embarrassment wasn’t so obvious.

Thorin looked at him in amusement. “If that’s what it takes. I will reward you with more if you can defeat me.”

It took a few tries but with sheer will and some luck, Kili finally managed to pin Thorin down. He shouted triumphantly and bowed willingly when Thorin’s pulled his head down to whisper in his ear.

“I love you.”


	29. Chapter 29

**_Nothing is more beautiful than a love that has survived the weathered journey of life._ **

Kili watched in amusement as Gloin scooped his wife into his arms and took her atop a table to dance. The beautiful dwarf lady laughed and obliged her husband, merrily dancing to the song provided by the tavern’s musicians and the singing of half-drunk patrons. Kili tapped his foot on the floor to the rhythm but didn’t dance along to the music. He’d love to, but Thorin was with him and he didn’t want to waste a second of the rare times they could be together.

“They’re very happy for a pair brought together in an arranged marriage,” Kili commented.

“They were introduced by their parents,” Thorin said, “But it wasn’t an arranged marriage.”

Kili turned to Thorin in surprise. He had been very young when Gloin married his wife and he didn’t remember much of it, only that Gloin’s father was heavily involved in the marriage. “It wasn’t?”

Thorin shook his head. “No. Her family was only a rather poor travelling merchant at that time. Groin wouldn’t let his son marry someone below his class. He even accused her of seducing Gloin for money.”

“I guess Gloin insisted,” Kili said, glancing at the happy couple.

“He did. He argued with Groin for months and, when that failed, left to build his own business to be independent from his father so he could marry her. She, in turn, took a portion of her father’s business and ran it so she could be worthy of Gloin. Eventually, after seeing their devotion to each other, Groin relented and allowed them to marry.”

“It seems that I missed quite a story!” Kili commented, laughing.

Thorin chuckled in agreement. “Indeed.”

Kili watched the adoring way Gloin and his wife looked at each other and the way they held each other tightly. They are the most devoted and affectionate couple Kili knew. He wondered how they had coped with Groin’s disapproval. Kili had pined for Thorin for a long time before they started their courtship, but, while they had met doubts and mockery, they had never faced strong opposition from anyone. He could only imagine how painful it was to know that his feelings were returned but he couldn’t be with Thorin.

“I’d do that for you,” Kili murmured.

“You hope something like that will happen to us?” Thorin asked in amusement.

“Well, no. But you know what I mean!” Kili protested when Thorin scoffed, though to him it was clear he meant no offense. “I would!” Kili insisted with a grin.

Thorin shook his head, smiling. His brushed Kili’s hand briefly before he pulled away. “I will keep that in mind,” he said, his voice deep and kind and held a similar promise to Kili’s.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my least favorite quote. The idea of discarding your entire life and identity for someone seems very unhealthy to me. There's compromise, then there's that. I'm not gonna lecture anyone about love, just that the quote must be viewed with care. So, yeah, this chapter is pretty much saying that instead of going along with the 'romantic' quote.

**_Love is when you would willingly give up everything if it meant they would smile._ **

Kili looked at his bow forlornly. He longed to hold it, pull its string, release an arrow, and feel the triumph of hitting his target. But he couldn’t. He shouldn’t. He must give up on archery.

Kili was used to mockery. He had learnt to ignore jabs on his appearance, his recklessness, his choice of favored weapon, and his relationship with Thorin. He knew how to not mind people. What he couldn’t ignore, however, was Thorin’s sigh of disappointment when he used his bow. Of all people of Middle Earth, it was Thorin whose opinion Kili cared about above all else. He wanted to make Thorin proud and happy. If it took giving up archery, then he would do it.

It had been nearly two weeks since Kili practiced archery. He had focused on his sword training and had even practiced of war hammers and axes. But while he wasn’t to be underestimated with them, he still missed the focus required to aim and defeat an opponent. He couldn’t do it, though. Not anymore.

“Why aren’t you using your bow?”

Kili nearly dropped a knife he was going to throw to a wooden target when he heard Thorin. When he turned toward the king, Thorin had a deep frown on his face, making Kili feel even worse. Perhaps it wasn’t archery that he opposed, but non-short range weapons in general. Couldn;t Kili do anything right?

“I’ve decided not to use it anymore,” Kili muttered.

“Why?”

Kili looked away, not wanting Thorin to see how upset it made him feel to discard his favorite weapon. “Because it’s un-dwarf-like.”

“What makes you think so?” Thorin asked, sounding even less pleased.

“People say that and I know you think the same,” Kili said quietly, lowering his eyes to avoid angering Thorin even further.

“I do _not_ think so,” Thorin growled, catching Kili’s attention. “Long range fighters are a precious asset in battles. Don’t let the ignorant tell you otherwise.”

“But you seem…”

“I merely regret we don’t have better-qualified archery teachers for you,” Thorin said. He smiled when Kili heaved a deep sigh of relief. “And even if I do, don’t let it disturb you. You love archery and you’re good at it. Keep practicing.”

“It doesn’t bother you if I do something you disapprove?” Kili wondered.

Thorin caressed Kili’s hair, smiling warmly. “I will be if you cross certain lines, and some compromise is required. But it doesn’t mean you should give up everything you love and believe in for me.”

Kili looked into Thorin’s eyes and nodded, a smile slowly spreading on his face. He could breathe freely now that he knew he didn’t have to completely transform himself to please Thorin. Happily, he put away his knife and picked up his bow and quivers. His choices were unconventional and some would disapprove, but he would prove them wrong. He would show everyone that he was an excellent warrior worthy of the title of Thorin’s lover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a [fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/3583659) and [fanmix](http://demonessryu.tumblr.com/post/114199862884/after-approximately-a-century-of-reading-the) to celebrate getting 100 kudo for this fic!


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty rushed update because I have a huge project at work that I have to finish before the end of the month and I'm totally sleep deprived. Enjoy?

**_You have to walk carefully at the beginning of love. The running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later, when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip._ **

It had been over four months since Kili last saw Thorin. It wasn’t uncommon for the king to go on trips for various political reasons, but this was the longest yet and Kili slowly lost his mind waiting.

After once again unleashing his frustration on an innocent sparring partner, Kili had been temporarily banned from the training ground by Dwalin, much to Fili’s amusement. Needing stress relief, but not allowed to do so by fighting, Kili decided to camp in the forest.

There was undeniable attraction in living off land, in surviving with knowledge of plants and animal habits. The forest also offered the opportunity to do various physical activities, allowing him to work out his problems with his body. With no one watching and judging him, he could do as he pleased, breaking as many rules and creating new ones as he wished. But sometimes, exhaustion wasn’t enough and Kili found his mind filled with restless longing while his body demanded rest. He tried to distract himself by whittling, although he feared he put his limbs at risk. But what else was he supposed to do when he was alone and tired in the forest, trying not to think of his absent lover? Kili was slowly going mad, seeing movements when there’s only shadow, feeling caresses when there’s only still air, hearing his name called when there’s only wind. He frowned. He hoped he would still have his sanity when Thorin returned.

“Kili?”

Kili looked up. The voice was too clear to be a fragment of longing, but he had been fooled before. He stilled, fearing he would wake up alone yet again, hoping this time it was reality. Kili’s eyes widened as Thorin emerged from seemingly out of nowhere. He looked tired, but when he spotted Kili, his face brightened and he smiled.

Unable to help himself, Kili abandoned his attempt at whittling and ran toward Thorin. He was so occupied with the thought of reunion that he didn’t notice where he was going. A few steps away from Thorin, his foot was caught on a wayward root. Letting out a positively undignified yelp, the hunter fell, only barely managing to brace himself so he didn’t fall face first to the ground.

“Are you all right?” Thorin asked as he hurriedly helped Kili to his feet.

Face burning from embarrassment, Kili was unable to look at Thorin, “Yes. When did you arrive?”

“This morning. I was told that you’ve been camping, so I came to look for you.”

“Yes, I’ve been hunting,” Kili said, looking around his sorry campground so he wouldn’t see Thorin’s mockery or, even worse, disappointment. What kind of warrior and hunter tripped when running? He was far too old and experienced for clumsiness!

He was chastising himself when Thorin suddenly pulled him close and landed a firm kiss on his mouth. Kili’s embarrassment instantly vanished, replaced by intense longing. He returned the kiss passionately, celebrating the reunion, until they ran out of air and broke apart regretfully.

“Welcome home.”


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a (very short!) follow-up to chapter 24.

**_Love knows not its own depths until the hour of separation._ **

Thorin opened his eyes slowly. His head was pounding, his sight blurry, his throat sore, and his entire body aching. He wanted to ask what had happened but he couldn’t form a word. However, he must’ve made a sound, because soon there were faces above him, asking him questions and saying things that made his dizziness grow. As his various aches lessened to a manageable level, he recognized that some of the faces were that of elves’. Realization pushed breath out of his lungs.

The battle. How had it gone? He dimly recalled slicing hordes of orcs, goblins, and wargs. He remembered wounds carved into his body and the evil grins on his enemies’ faces. He remembered the tide turning in their favor, but not before it was too late, not before in front of him Fili and Kili lay on the ground, skin pale and covered in blood and dirt. Kili…

“Kili,” He managed to croak out, body trembling in more than pain. “Where is he? Where is Kili?”

No one answered. They acted as if they didn’t hear him. Thorin asked over and over again, angrily at first then pleadingly. He needed to know how Kili was doing. He needed to know whether he survived the battle he shouldn’t fight. He needed Kili to be alive. Dimly, Thorin realized his eyes were wet but he couldn’t bring himself to care, calling for his One until it felt as if his throat would rip. It would be a fitting punishment for he was the cause of Kili’s pain, he was the one who brought Kili mortal danger.

It shouldn’t have been like this. He shouldn’t have surrendered to greed. Kili shouldn’t have to risk his life for a mad dwarf. It should’ve been Thorin lifeless on the ground, an undignified end for a failed king who couldn’t protect his people and his beloved one. Yet here he was, injured but alive while Kili who was innocent, who tried to argue with his insanity, who should’ve stayed home instead of trying to win back a kingdom he had never seen, was last seen bleeding on the ground, unattended, uncared for.

Thorin choked on a sob. “Kili. How is he? Tell me. Please, tell me. Where is Kili?”

No one replied.  



	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops. I nearly forgot to post something this week! Is it weird for a writer to have a favorite among her works? Because this is one of my favorite chapters/quotes in this story.

**_Right now, I can't remember yesterday, and I don't care about tomorrow. This moment is all that matters._ **

“Why aren’t you resting?” Thorin asked when he found Kili smoking in a deserted corner of the hobbit hole. Their host had angrily retired to his own room a while ago. Gandalf had disappeared shortly after that, although he promised to return when it was time to depart. The thundering snores of eleven dwarfs sleeping on every available space shattered any illusion of peace but at least meant that they would be ready to leave as soon as the dawn came. Thorin himself had gone to the room assigned to him but was unable to sleep. He had thought he was the only one, but apparently he was wrong.

Kili shook his head and gestured to the seat beside him, “I’m not tired.”

“No?” Thorin asked as he sat next to the young dwarf, “Not even from your travel from Ered Luin? Fili seems completely exhausted.”

“That’s because he took the night watch last night. He lacks sleep,” Kili answered. “Why are you awake? Haven’t you travelled even further than us?”

Thorin exhaled quietly. It was true that his body was weary. It had been a long time since he had traveled this far and despite what he had told Balin, he did wonder about what precisely he had left behind in Ered Luin. If not for his busy mind, he would’ve joined his company and taken advantage of the possible last night of peace.

“I’m thinking about our people and the quest,” Thorin admitted. He didn’t easily confess his mind to others but this was Kili and Thorin trust him with his thoughts, heart, and life. “It won’t be easy, even with a wizard on our side.” And perhaps a burglar, but Thorin was skeptical that the hobbit would join.

Kili nodded, uncharacteristically solemn. “I was thinking that Middle Earth is very large and we may not return from our travel through it. Home, Ered Luin, already feels like a world away. I feel as if I’ve gone for a century, but it’s only been a few days and we’re only at the start of the quest, the Lonely Mountain still so far away.”

Thorin smiled grimly. “I feel the same. Thinking of the long roads behind and ahead tires me. I’ve grown old.”

Kili scoffed. “Older, not old.”

Thorin chuckled. “Perhaps.” He stood up and offered a hand to his young lover. “Come. Let’s go to bed.”

Kili looked at him in amusement. “I’m not sleepy yet. I don’t think even bedtime story will help,” He said, although he tapped his pipe to remove the weed inside it all the same.

“No. No story tonight,” Thorin replied quietly, drawing Kili’s attention.

They passed the sleeping dwarfs noiselessly and entered Thorin’s room. There, they put the past to rest and the future on hold. They lay together, cherishing the private moment which might well be the last.


	34. Chapter 34

**_When you love someone, it's something. When someone loves you, it's another thing. When you love the person who loves you back, it's everything._ **

“It’s quite a tragedy that us dwarfs are only capable of one love in our lifetime,” Bofur mused after singing love songs at the request of a newly betrothed couple in the tavern.

Kili and Fili glanced at each other. “Are you in love?” Fili asked.

Bofur laughed and shook his head. “No, not me,” He replied, gesturing to a crestfallen dwarf a few tables away.

“He’ll recover,” Fili said confidently.

Kili nodded in agreement. “And maybe he’ll find someone new. Maybe he’s mistaken.” He shrugged when the older dwarfs looked at him curiously. “It happens.”

“Did it happen to you?” Bofur asked.

“Doesn’t it happen to everyone at some point?” Kili replied grimly with a question, recalling his past experience, earning amused curiosity from his companions. “DIdn’t you feel the same about Dori?” Kili asked Fili to distract them, his face red as he realized he had spoken too much.

Fili nodded solemnly. “Indeed, and so has every dwarf. But if I recall correctly, you weren’t very interested in him, were you? So who was it?”

Kili’s face flamed. He tried to avoid answering but Fili and Bofur wouldn’t leave him be, mentioning every remotely eligible dwarf in Ered Luin. After a whole of ten minutes of teasing and nagging, Kili finally gave up. “Mister Dwalin!”

“Well, you certainly have a type,” Bofur said amidst laughter.

“Tall, burly, _aggressive_ warriors,” Fili concluded, snickering, “Is that why you reject your less well-built suitors?”

“What suitors?” Kili asked. Apparently it was a wrong question because Fili and Bofur laughed again. “The point is to have your love unreturned isn’t necessarily the end of the world! You could be wrong in guessing your One!” He said to redirect the conversation to the original topic, scowling.

“I agree completely,” Fili said, patting Kili’s hand to appease him. “It’s easy to mistake infatuation with love.”

“Or lust with love,” Bofur added. “Sometimes you have everything and it’s still not right. Worse if you realize this too late.”

Suddenly Fili frowned thoughtfully, his mirth evaporating. Kili turned to his brother. “What is it?”

“Are you sure about…”

Just then Thorin entered the tavern with Balin and a couple other dwarfs. They were engaged in heated debate and Kili could tell from his deep frown that Thorin was exhausted and quite near the limit of his patience. Some patrons took the initiative to leave, but Kili wasn’t bothered at all. He watched Thorin until he noticed Kili and his companions. While his frown unraveled as he approached them, there was still a trace of frustration as he made small talk with Fili and Bofur. However, when he spoke to Kili his gaze was warm, his smile genuine, his voice gentle and kind. He didn’t give Kili heartfelt goodbye, but he squeezed Kili’s arm tightly before he returned to his arguing company. Kili smiled and turned to Fili.

“I’ve never been more sure.”


	35. Chapter 35

**_Love is, in fact, everything it's cracked up to be. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more._ **

Thorin looked at the grey scribe sitting before him. Rage burnt within him. But more than anything, a sense of betrayal enveloped him.

“You disapprove of my intention for Kili,” Thorin growled, holding back his temper.

Balin, the dear old friend who had survived the sack of their kingdom, the search for a new home, and the quest to regain their right, took a deep breath and bowed his head down slightly. “Kili is a fine lad indeed, but Erebor needs hope. People need to see that the legacy of your forefathers will live.”

“I _have_ reclaimed Erebor! I _have_ given them hope!” Thorin shouted, banging his fists on the arms of his chair.

“Yes, you have. But there are other responsibilities of a king people expect you to fulfill,” Balin replied, undeterred by the show of aggression.

Thorin glared at his advisor balefully. His injuries had barely healed when he took the throne of Erebor a few months ago. Since then he had devoted all his attention to rebuild his home. He swallowed his pride and took the advices of the wizard to remove dragon sickness corrupting his and his company’s minds. He had been exhausted, frustrated, and even angry, but he understood that all of these were inevitable. All he asked for in return was a place for him and his beloved to live in peace.

“Our position in the politics of Middle Earth is unfortunately still precarious. We need to strengthen it immediately,” Balin continued.

“Are you suggesting that Kili weakens Erebor?” Thorin asked, seething. Balin didn’t answer but his silence spoke volumes. “I came on this quest to finish what Thror and Thrain had failed to do. I came to fulfill my duties to our people and my forefathers. I came to reclaim what is rightfully ours. This throne, this mountain and the gold inside it are mine,” Thorin hissed and there’s something in his blood that slithered dangerously when he mentioned gold but he ignored it. “But you say in order to keep them I must give up Kili. Well, then,” Thorin spoke, gritting his teeth. “Perhaps Fili is the king you want.”

Thorin didn’t heed Balin’s surprised gasp and subsequent requests for him to stay. He strode out of the meeting chamber and to his rooms. A small fear reared its head in his mind, telling him that he was a failure to the Durin Folks for not accepting the responsibilities of a king, but he squashed it. There was no value in a kingdom, a throne, and a hallway full of gold when he couldn’t be with his One. Thorin was surrendering many privileges and taking upon himself many uncertainties, but he summoned the courage that had won him the very kingdom he gave up. He knew life with Kili was more than worth the price.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops. I nearly forgot to update. It's been busy at work!

**_Dance like nobody's watching; love like you've never been hurt._ **

For as long as Kili could remember, he had never seen Thorin dance. When others were drunk, singing rowdily, and dancing without grace, the king kept his distance. He would laugh at the spectacle when his mood was especially good, but he never joined them. The furthest he would go was tapping his foot to the rhythm, but no further.

“I don’t dance,” Thorin argued when Kili persuaded him to join him on a dance.

“I’ll teach you,” Kili retorted without letting go of Thorin’s hand.

Thorin sighed. “I know how to dance. I’m just… not a good dancer.”

“What makes you think so?”

“Because I have been told so,” Thorin said stiffly.

Kili raised an eyebrow, his interest piqued. “Who said that?”

Thorin’s lips tightened and he looked away. “A lady I know a long time ago.”

A long time ago referred usually to Erebor. Kili knew that there had been dwarf ladies (and some lords) introduced to Thorin. This was possibly one of them. A little jealousy pricked his heart. Not everyone managed to affect Thorin, so she must have been quite a special lady.

“It can’t be that bad,” Kili said.

The smile on Thorin’s lips was more than a little bitter. “Quite bad, in fact. I wasn’t a graceful dancer.”

It was difficult to imagine Thorin being ungraceful. The sword training had given him some semblance of grace, which was easy to translate to dances as was the case with Kili. But even if Thorin wasn’t the best dancer, it didn’t matter. Nothing should prevent him from joining others in their joy. With the heavy burden on his shoulder he deserved to let himself loose for a moment and enjoy the fruits of his hard work, the happiness he had brought his people. “Let me be the judge of that,” Kili said, tugging Thorin’s arm again.

“You’ll give it a poor mark,” Thorin said grimly, shaking his head.

Kili laughed. “This isn’t a competition.” He leaned close to Thorin so that no one could hear what he said next. “I want to dance with you, to share and enjoy this moment with you. I want to see and make you happy.”

Thorin gave him an affectionate look. “Very well,” he said finally.

Kili laughed merrily as he pulled Thorin to a corner. He tried to not draw too much attention to themselves as Thorin was still anxious, but as the songs grew wilder and the ale kept flowing, Kili found himself caring less and less about subtlety and so did Thorin. They danced round and round the tavern, bumping into other patrons, plates, tankards, tables, and chairs on their way, holding each other throughout the many songs sung, and stealing kisses when others were too drunk to really pay attention, until the moon was at its highest. Thorin was a terrific dancer after all.  



	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writer's block. Ugh.

**_I know it's hopeless when you're my answer to every question._**  

It was strange to see the Lonely Mountain. Kili knew it was their destination and objective. He had been told stories of the lost kingdom since he was very young. But, it didn’t quite prepare him to see it. It was no longer just a story or a dream. It was reality, something tangible and within reach. Kili ignored the possibility of not surviving the quest. He would see it done for certain.

“What would you do with your share of gold?” Nori asked out loud as the company rested in Beorn’s house.

It was a discussion the company enthusiastically partook in, with noted exception of Kili, Fili, Bilbo, Bombur, and Thorin who joined half-heartedly, or stayed away from it in Thorin’s case. Most of them had rather predictable plans: saving, education, business expansion, parties, and better living condition.

“Weapons,” Fili replied when pressed to answer, earning Dwalin’s nod of approval. “Knives, swords, all sorts of them.”

“As if you need more,” Kili commented.

“You can’t have too many of these,” Fili replied pulling out a knife to play with from somewhere under his coat.

“What about you, Kili? What will you do with your gold?” asked Balin who had dreamily answered ‘library’ when asked the question.

It was a question Kili never pondered. He came out of a sense of duty to his family and kingdom and curiosity to see the world, not for the promised gold. He supposed he could buy luxurious goods, but they never interested him much. He was quite happy with what he already had, which was quite a lot already, considering he was a prince.

“A house,” he answered with a shrug, not knowing what to say.

This reply didn’t seem to satisfy the company. “What kind of house?” Dori asked. “A big one or a small one? What will you have there?”

Kili blinked in confusion, not having thought that far. Architecture wasn’t quite his virtue and he knew (and cared) little of decoration styles. Kiii turned to Fili for suggestion but accidentally caught Thorin’s gaze. He was looking at him with what seemed to others to be indifference but was actually well-hidden attentiveness. Warmth spread in Kili’s chest and he immediately knew his answer.

“I’ll have a house that is a home, a place to call my own where I can relax and escape from the world, store my favorite possessions, and spend my time with my loved ones. The size and the contents didn’t matter,” he said without removing his eyes from Thorin’s. He grinned when the king smiled. “I already have everything I need.”


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I completely forgot to post this. Google Chrome has been very uncooperative lately and it's driving me insane! At least I can still open Ao3, I guess...

**_You don't need me or anyone else to make you special; you already are._ **

Sometimes Thorin was worried over Kili’s enthusiasm in exploring new things. It was endearing, in a way, and he was proud to see the young dwarf brave the unknown unflinchingly. But sometimes, Kili tried too hard, completely unheeding his own safety and well-being in excelling in something. Fili usually convinced him in time, but Thorin couldn’t stop the foreboding sense that someday the warning would be unheeded and Kili would fall into trouble greater than they could save him from.

“That’s quite enough for the day,” Thorin decided when he noticed that Kili’s aim with his sword had deteriorated and he little more than swinging the weapon, hoping to accidentally injure his opponent. Thorin would usually criticize the lack of energy but Kili had gone on a hunt this morning before spending hours training. Exhaustion was expected.

“I can still train!” Kili protested.

“No, you can’t.”

“Well, all right. Maybe my arms are tired, but I can still practice archery!”

Thorin stopped Kili before he could go to find his bow. He took the sword from Kili’s tired hand and put it and his own sword away. “That’s enough training for the day for you.” He put his hand on kili’s shoulder and led him away from the training ground, ignoring the lad’s displeased frown. “Knowing your limit is also an important ability of a warrior.”

“I’m nowhere near it,” Kili groused.

Thorin gave him a look. “Even if you’re trying to stretch the end of your tolerance, you should be sensible. Causing yourself injury would prove nothing but foolishness.” Beside him, Kili muttered something incomprehensible. “Hmm?”

“Better foolishness than nothing at all,” Kili repeated sullenly.

“What do you mean?”

Kili looked away as if in shame. “I know I’m not as good a scholar as Fili. I’m not as strong as Mister Dwalin and I don’t have Balin’s experience. I know I’m not as good as I should be.”

“Kili,” Thorin said, stopping in his track, causing Kili to do the same. “You are perfectly fine. I’m also not as diligent as Fili, as strong as Dwalin, or as knowledgeable as Balin, but there’s nothing wrong with that.” Thorin smiled when Kili gave him a hopeful look. “You are an enthusiastic learner, a good warrior, and a terrific archer. You are loyal, brave and kind. You’re a fine prince and dwarf, so think more kindly of yourself.” The feelings Kili invoked within Thorin made him more valuable than all the dwarfs across Middle Earth, but Thorin kept the thought to himself. Perhaps one day he would let Kili know of this, but not today.

It was impossible to resist mirroring Kili’s happy smile. Thorin let himself be invited to a dinner with his sister’s family where they would eat the deer Kili hunted earlier. He nodded along and gave comments as Kili regaled him with the tale of the hunt, glad to see Kili happy as he should be.


	39. Chapter 39

**_I can't promise you the world. I can't promise you wealth, comfort, or even happiness. But I can promise you one thing...no matter what happens, you will always be loved._**  

It was a discussion Thorin never thought he would have. He had thought that once he reclaimed Erebor and took the throne, he would be allowed to have freedom in his private life. He had thought he would be allowed to share his life with Kili. But, he had never been more wrong in his life. Never before had Thorin realized how cold and cruel politics could be.

“Balin and Dain are waiting for us in the library,” Kili said when he entered Thorin’s room.

Gritting his teeth, Thorin nodded and led Kili to the library, but not before dismissing his guards, not wanting to make the matter a public affair. “This is the only time I will speak of this matter,” he growled. He would’ve either banished Balin or left Erebor if not for Kili’s request to have one last talk with the advisor. He conceded that it was too harsh a reaction. However, this would be the last compromise he made regarding his apparently controversial decision to marry Kili. “And I am not taking any rejection,” he added.

“Even for the good of Erebor?” Kili asked.

Frowning, Thorin reached for Kili’s hand and held it tightly. “My private life won’t affect my ability to rule Erebor. I won’t be any less of a king when I marry you.”

Kili pursed his lips, brows furrowed deeply. “I know, but will they see that? There’s no political advantage to be gained for Erebor in marrying me.”

“If they won’t see it, I will abdicate the throne,” Thorin proclaimed. “I will not be a king without you by my side.”

Kili’s eyes widened. “But this is what you fought for! This is why you went on the quest!” he protested.

Thorin shook his head. “After what happened, do you still expect me to prioritize power and gold? No, Kili, some things are more important than those.” Thorin took a deep breath as his words sank in Kili’s mind. When he spoke again, his voice was softer, kinder. “I have promised you the crown, the mountain, and the gold but I may not be able to fulfill it. We may have to leave. I may have to renounce my rights to Erebor. I may not be able to offer you even a sliver of what I promised. However, no matter what, I swear to you that you’ll always have my heart.”

Kili smiled. “And you will always have mine,” he said, not a trace of uncertainty in his voice.

Heart swelling with love, Thorin rested his forehead on Kili’s. He had always been certain of his decision, but this moment with Kili further strengthened his confidence. He felt emboldened, ready to face whatever outcome there might be. When they continued to make their way to the library, their steps were more confident than before. He might lose the throne he had longed for, for decades but he wouldn’t lose Kili, and that’s what really mattered.  



	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a bad week and I honestly don't really have the energy to edit the new fic I planned to post today. So here's a new chapter for this one instead. Enjoy!

**_Hello is such a simple word. But from the right person, it can mean everything._ **

It would be a lie to say Thorin had never been with anyone. He had control, but he also had needs and he saw no point in denying himself that if it could help him focus on more important things. When he was younger and traveled from town to town for work, he would spare some of his hard-earned coins for pleasure houses. Once he settled in Ered Luin, he never lacked offers from those who hoped to have a chance to share his power.

Thorin tried not to mislead anyone. He left as soon as he finished or politely tell them that he no longer required their presence. Most of them understood, although there were those who stubbornly believed they meant something more. As time went by, Thorin’s needs for these passing encounters lessened, carefully selecting his bed partners or electing to forego the hassle in favor of his knowledge of his own body. Still, sometimes he felt his bed was too cold and his room too silent. Sometimes he wondered what he had missed. Sometimes, no matter how he tried to distract himself with thoughts of endless duty, but still his mind wandered and his heart longed.

Thorin sighed quietly as he slowly woke up, at loathe to leave his pleasant dream of love and companionship. His bed was warm and comfortable. His body was light; every tension from the previous day had melted away. His mind, usually burdened by responsibilities, was blissfully serene. He wanted nothing more than to stay in bed for a few more hours, resting and enjoying the remnant of the dream, but he could tell that morning had come and he had many duties to fulfill. Thorin opened his eyes regretfully.

The sight that greeted Thorin made him blink rapidly. It took a few seconds for his addled brain to explain Kili’s presence beside him. He noted the exposed young body and realized his own nudity and slowly he became aware of his hand on Kili’s waist and Kili’s arm draped over him while their legs were tangled under the blanket, reminding him of the passion they shared the previous night and a few nights before that, that this wasn’t a fragment of his dreams.

Kili smiled at Thorin’s silence. There was no trace of sleepiness in his eyes, indicating that he had been awake for a while. “Hello.”

A smile slowly bloomed on Thorin’s face. The peace and contentment he had felt in his dream solidify into something real, a warmth in his chest, a completeness in his heart. His sleepiness was instantly gone. With this in reality, he thought as Kili kissed the smile on his lips, he had no need for dreams.


	41. Chapter 41

**_Never be afraid to touch someone._ **

“This may not be a good idea.”

“Why not?”

Thorin looked at Kili lying on the bed, partly naked, like an offering to the Makers themselves. Lust grew within him but he kept it tightly reined, amplified by years of yearning. He looked away to avoid temptation.

“I’ll hurt you.”

“Not if you prepare me well. And even if you do, I don’t mind,” Kili said matter-of-factly, clearly undaunted with the prospect of pain.

Thorin scowled. “I’d rather not risk it.”

“Do you mean you’ll never bed me?”

The couple glared at each other. If Thorin was completely honest, he had expected this to happen. Kili was a curious lad. No doubt he had heard of various tales in taverns and wondered how true they were. Thorin was quite happy that Kili had asked him to teach him, rather than impatiently proposing dwarfs of questionable intents (and skill, Thorin thought privately) to show him the delicate art. However, this didn’t mean that Thorin wasn’t worried at all about the lesson he was requested to give.

“If that’s what it takes…”

“You must be kidding!” Kili exclaimed in dismay, sitting up. “A little pain won’t kill me!” Kili argued. “I know it may hurt-I’ve heard that many times-but I want to know. I want to learn and I want you to teach me.”

Thorin closed his eyes tightly, trying to hold on to his resolve. He wanted to. He had dreamt of it so many times. He had craved for Kili and as time went on kisses and touches weren’t enough. He wanted to. He really did. But the thought of hurting Kili was difficult for him to bear.

“You’ll probably be in discomfort.”

“I know.”

“Perhaps more than just discomfort. Perhaps you’ll be in pain.”

“I know.”

“Sitting might be hard, never mind more vigorous activities. Hunting, fighting, riding…”

“I know.”

“Perhaps you won’t allow me to touch you again.”

Kili snorted. “Not likely. I’ll ask you again and again until we learn how to not cause pain.”

Of course Kili would. He would insist on learning to give and take pleasure in intimacy and, just as he had done in the past, he would find a way to get what he wanted. Thorin had little doubt of this, after all that’s how Kili won his heart, that’s why they’re here together at this moment. He chuckled and captured Kili’s lips in a heated kiss. Slowly, he lowered them both to the bed with himself between Kili’s legs. The young dwarf’s eyes were glassy and his body unresisting when the kiss broke.

“Last chance to change your mind,” Thorin whispered against Kili’s lips, his hands slowly slipping into his shirt.

Kili smiled, excited and nervous all at once. “I won’t.”

That night, they shared not only their bodies, but their hearts. They never regretted it.  



	42. Chapter 42

**_Be careful with your heart. If you give it away, you may never get it back._**  

Kili entered Thorin’s room quietly. The king was looking out of the window, not turning back, although Kili knew he was aware of his presence. Nervousness started to grow within Kili, the speech he had prepared earlier forgotten. He took a deep breath. He mustn’t ruin this.

“The elf maid is leaving.”

Kili looked at Thorin, surprised, but Thorin was still not looking at him. “I know.”

“You’re not going with her?”

Kili frowned. “Of course not! Thorin…” He approached Thorin but the king’s stillness stopped him a few paces away from him. “She’s just a friend! Nothing more!” he tried to explain.

“That’s not the impression I had,” Thorin said, bitterness clear in his voice.

Kili reached out toward his lover but then dropped his hand. He shut his eyes, regretting everything that had happened. He had nothing to defend himself with-he only had the truth. “I was lonely,” he confessed. “You grew distant. You treated me as nothing more than a travelling companion and even a burden. Tauriel was there for me when you were focused on revenge and power.” Thorin turned to face him, but Kili couldn’t look at him, ashamed of his weakness, fearful of possible rejection. “I admit that I thought about leaving you for her. She’s nice and she cares for me a lot… and I care for her as well,” Kili said the last part softly. He might be better off not saying that, but he wanted to be completely honest with Thorin even if it might cost him everything. “But it’s different. It’s nothing like what I feel for you. I tried but… She’s a very good friend but you’re the one I love and I can’t and won’t love any other.” Kili swallowed, fear of loss gripping his heart. But, he couldn’t take anything back, whether words or actions.

Kili risked a glance at Thorin. What he saw made his heart sank, the hope which had powered him crumbling into dust. Thorin’s face was a mask, not a trace of emotion was visible. Kili could handle anger and maybe even sadness, but this indifference hurt more than anything else.

“Of course. I understand you don’t want me anymore,” Kili said, his voice cracking. He turned around, intent on finding privacy for his sorrow. His body shook. Every footfall felt heavy. He deserved it, he knew, but it didn’t lessen the pain.

Before Kili could reach the door, he was pulled back. He gasped as he was suddenly enveloped in Thorin’s familiar arms. For a moment, he froze but then relief melted the tension in his body. He embraced Thorin tightly and buried his face in his hair. The arms around him tightened as Thorin kissed his temple. There’s much to discuss and forgive, but for this moment there’s only relief of finding their way back to each other.


	43. Chapter 43

**_Sometimes someone can say something so small and meaningful that it manages to fit right into that empty space in your heart._ **

Thorin paced around the gazebo restlessly. For the umpteenth time he scanned the area to ensure that no nosy elf was near. Rivendell wasn’t an ideal location for what he planned to do, but he couldn’t wait. There had been too many close calls, first with the trolls then with the warg scouts. They were reminders that this wasn’t a safe journey. The quest could fail. He could lose a loved one forever. Thorin clenched his hands tightly.

“You want to see me?”

Thorin turned around, relieved when Kili finally came. He inspected Kili, patting him to find any injury. The elves had preoccupied them so much that Thorin hadn’t had the time to examine his company. “Are you all right?”

Kili shrugged. “There are some scrapes, but I’m all right.”

Nodding, Thorin breathed a sigh of relief. He gripped Kili’s shoulder tightly. “You did very well today. Your archery skill is truly an asset for our Company.” He smiled when Kili grinned proudly. “But that’s not why I called you here.”

Curiosity replaced Kili’s look of glee. Thorin said nothing, releasing Kili. He thought of the years he had shared with Kili as his lover and everything they had gone through. He thought of the uncertain tomorrow and the heartbreak which might await them. Thorin thought of the proper ceremonial way to do it, surrounded by family, gifts, and traditional blessings. This wasn’t how he wanted it to be but there might not be another chance.

“I’m aware I’m not the kindest or friendliest dwarf. I don’t inspire joy as much as other dwarfs do. I know that many only barely tolerate me.” He held up his hand, stopping Kili when he was about to protest. “I gave up on the hope for a companion who genuinely cares for me instead of just my heritage. I was convinced I would be alone. I didn’t expect you to come into my life.” Thorin smiled to his baffled lover. “You make me happy. You change me-more than you know. Many doubt the sincerity of our intentions. Some wonders whether we have any future at all. Sometimes I worry you’ll agree with them but you’re still here. Today, when I watched you face our enemies, I was never happier to have the privilege of being your lover and I was never more scared of losing someone. I cannot bear the thought of losing you. I know we are on a dangerous journey and I can’t promise you anything right now but I would like to ask for your hand in marriage.”

Kili looked stunned. His eyes were wide, his jaw slack. Thorin could almost see the thoughts racing in his mind, the happiness they had shared, the arguments they had had, and the uncertain future. Thorin waited, trying to calm his pounding heart.

Kili’s silence seemed to last a lifetime, but then he smiled and gave his reply. “Yes.”


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Laptop has been repaired and I'm back from vacation. Unfortunately, I don't have time to edit and/or write longer fics, so here's a new chapter!

**_Tears are words the heart cannot say._ **

When Kili woke up, searing pain immediately overcame his weakened body. It took him a moment to realize he was in an unfamiliar room. The stone ceiling was unfamiliar, green instead of blue, and the bed he lay upon was harder than what he was used to at home.

Home. Ered Luin. That’s right. He went to the Lonely Mountain to reclaim Erebor. The dragon had perished but then orcs had come to take the kingdom away again. And then there was blood, so much blood, as he killed more than he could count, bearing injuries, fighting for…

“Thorin!” Kili gasped. He tried to sit up but a sharp pain shooting across his body sent him lying down again. Kili groaned loudly.

“Kili!”

Kili stared wide-eyed as Bilbo came to view. “Where is Thorin? And Fili? Did they…” He couldn’t continue, the word caught in his throat.

Bilbo held Kili’s hand carefully, smiling sadly. “The orcs had injured all of you terribly. Beorn barely managed to pull you to safety in time.”

Kili’s heart skipped a beat. His hand shook in Bilbo’s grasp. “So they…”

Bilbo’s eyes widened. “No! No! Fili is recuperating in another room. He woke up yesterday and looked for you as well. As for Thorin…” He stopped and looked to the side. With some difficulty, Kili managed to turn his head to follow the hobbit’s gaze. The sight that greeted him brought tightness to his chest.

On a bed only a few feet away, Thorin lay, bloody bandages covering his scarred and bruised body. He was far too pale and his chest barely rose and fell as he breathed. For a moment, Kili thought he was gone, but he was only sleeping… wasn’t he?

“He refused to leave your side,” Bilbo explained quietly.

Kili didn’t hear him. His attention was focused on how unwell Thorin looked. No. He didn’t survive the battle, didn’t go all the way to Erebor, only to fail to protect Thorin. “Help me up.”

“What? No!” Bilbo protested.

“Then I’ll do it myself,” Kili said stubbornly, trying to sit up again. His body trembled and swayed in protest as his injuries ached anew and Bilbo pushed him back down easily. Frustrated tears sprang to Kili’s eyes. Never had he felt so weak.

“You’ll hurt yourself!” Bilbo argued.

“I don’t care!”

“You should!”

“No! I need to… I need him!”

“Kili?”

The weak voice stopped Kili. When he looked over to the other bed, Thorin had woken. His gaze was unfocused but when it met Kili’s, he let out a shuddery breath and his eyes lit up.

“You’re all right,” he breathes in relief.

There were many things Kili wanted to say-questions, affection, gratitude-but no voice came out of his constricted throat. Tears poured from his eyes as he started smiling. He sobbed loudly, not caring who saw how weak he was being, focusing solely on the loving smile Thorin gave him.

Alive. They were both alive.


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to post a new fic but work and sickness got in the way. So here's a new chapter. Only 5 more to go now!

**_A promise is all I want. A promise that you will never forget me._ **

There were many stories Kili grew up hearing. There were tales of fictional princesses and princes who defeat all sorts of magical obstacles to be together and rule a kingdom. There were silly entertaining fables which taught him to stay away from troubles. Then, of course, there were history of the kingdom they had lost to Smaug, the tragedy and the proud past, the dwarfs Kili never had the chance of knowing but were important to his existence, a rich land he never traveled to but in his imagination. He had also heard of the Dragon Sickness.

It was a story whispered to him and Fili by their mother and Thorin, a precaution and premonition. It was spoken with great fear of repeating history, of experiencing loss again. It was a family curse, something that also ran with the blood in Kili’s veins. It was the unspoken, the forbidden. It was inevitable.

Greed was an inherent trait in dwarfs. No matter how they tried to resist it, it would always be there. Kili saw it in Dis’s eyes when she was looking at jewelries and pretty dresses. He saw it briefly in Fili’s eyes when he looked at finely crafted weapons. He saw it in Thorin’s eyes when he was presented with precious metals and stones. And Kili knew it stirred within him when he saw Thorin.

Now, as they prepared the quest to reclaim the wealth that was rightfully theirs, Kili worried that the greed, the Dragon Sickness, would finally claimed the King under the Mountain. He watched Thorin’s determination in planning the quest in silent concern. He noticed how completely engrossed he was in it. He hoped the obsession would subside, but he knew there was a chance that it would only get worse. There was a chance he would lose Thorin completely to what had claimed his great-grandfather.

“You’re leaving tomorrow,” Kili said as he watched Thorin prepare his luggage.

Thorin nodded distractedly, barely glancing at Kili. “I am. Have you prepared for your travel to Shire?”

“Not yet,” Kili admitted. Ignoring Thorin’s annoyed glare, he approached the king. “I have something for you,” he said. Before he lost confidence, he pulled out a roughly carved stone talisman, the same kind Dis had made for him, and handed it to Thorin.

The king turned it over in his large hand, searching for the right angle for the light to show the stone’s secret. When he found it, his finger traced the letters he found written there. _Remember me_.

Thorin’s gaze softened when he looked at Kili. Slowly, he drew Kili into his arms. “I will. I promise you.”

Kili closed his eyes and nodded. He buried his face in Thorin’s strong shoulder and held the king tightly as he clung onto the words he hoped would never be broken.


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a good week for me and a good week warrants a fluffy chapter, don't you think?

**_Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was choice, but falling in love with you was completely out of my control._ **

“What if I weren’t me?” Kili mused out loud, his mind wandering in absence of physical activity. As much as he loved spending time with Thorin, sitting still while his lover worked wasn’t an ideal way to spend time for him. “What if I weren’t Dis’s son and you weren’t the King under the Mountain?”

Thorin looked up from his work to smile at him in amusement. “Where are you going with this?”

Kili shrugged. “I wonder what would become of us.”

Thorin left the paperwork he had been perusing on his desk to sit next to Kili. He sighed heavily as he sat down, an evidence of how hard he had worked. Perhaps Kili had done the right thing by thinking absurd thoughts. “Things would be rather different, I’d imagine. You’d still be you and I would be me before you came to my life.”

”Would we be together when we didn’t know each other?” Kili asked.

“We would meet,” Thorin replied, surprising Kili with his certainty. “Mahal has ways to bring two together. It would happen eventually.” Thorin suddenly chuckled. “Although, I’m not sure you would like me much.”

Kili laughed, recalling the stories he heard about Thorin’s difficult character and how it had often isolated him. Dwalin and Balin were his only close friends as they had experienced many hardships together. Kili knew Dis was often at the limit of her patience when it came to Thorin and Fili sometimes didn’t fare that much better.

“If I were still me, I would find you interesting and try to be your friend.” Kili grinned.

“I wonder how well that would go,” Thorin muttered.

Hearing the wariness in Thorin’s voice, Kili laughed. “Well, I’ve managed to get close to you, haven’t I?”

“Well, you are stubborn and wouldn’t leave me alone,” Thorin said, smirking, clearly not minding Kili’s stubbornness.

“Exactly!” Kili exclaimed happily. He chuckled when Thorin leaned forward to kiss him tenderly. He held Thorin close, enjoying the intimacy. It wasn’t about lust or sating desire. It was about expressing something deeper and far more significant than what words could say and Kili would never get tired of being shown how Thorin felt and showing that he felt the same. He smiled when the kiss broke. “And then I would fall in love with you,” he said against Thorin’s lips.

“Would you?” Thorin asked softly.

Kili nodded confidently. “I wouldn’t be able to stop myself even if I tried.”

Thorin looked at him closely then leaned down, once again capturing Kili’s lips in a kiss. Kili smiled into the kiss, content in the knowledge that no matter who they were, they would be in love each other.


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to everyone expecting update on my other works. I've been dealing with clients from hell from the past two months, so I can't update yet (and a revenge fic I'm writing is my priority at the moment). Here's a peace offering!

**_I never want another person to know just how incredible you are._**  

There was no easy way to say it. Even the present opportunity was questionable at best and Thorin wondered if it was better to keep things to himself. But silence would do nothing in his favor, only delaying the inevitable.

“I heard you and the elf maid in the dungeon,” Thorin said, hoping his voice didn’t betray his emotion, as he bandaged Kili’s injury.

Kili froze. “Did you?” he asked in a tight voice a few long seconds later.

“I did,” Thorin confirmed.

“Tauriel is nice. She saved me from the spiders,” Kili said, shrugging in an attempt to seem indifferent, but Thorin knew him too well.

Thorin took a deep breath. “She takes a liking on you,” Thorin stated even as his heart was ripped to pieces.

“What are you talking about?” Kili asked with a weak laugh. “She’s only tolerating me.”

“And you?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you also only tolerating her?” Thorin asked as he finished the final knot of the bandage on Kili’s thigh and looked into Kili’s familiar eyes. Easily he read every emotion there; the shame, fear, and guilt. His chest felt tight, but he fought not to show it.

“I was curious,” Kili finally admitted.

“Of more than her culture, I assume,” Thorin said quietly. “And she, too, was curious of more than your stories.” There he paused. He lifted a hand to lightly stroke Kili’s cheek with his knuckles. “I can’t blame her,” he whispered.

Thorin dropped his hand and stood up. He had only made one step away from Kili when the youth grabbed his arm. Thorin dared not looked at him, unsure of how much well he could hide his breaking heart.

“It was nothing! I swear it was nothing!” Kili begged. “It’s you I choose! It’s you I follow! Thorin…”

Thorin chanced a glance at his lover. The sight of pain in those eyes broke Thorin’s resolve. He sat back on the bed and let Kili tightly held his arm. He swallowed thickly. He wished his heart immediately mended at Kili’s pleas, but it didn’t.

“Do you, now?”

“Of course!” Kili nodded vigorously.

Selfishness and fear drove Thorin to be careless, restating his claim despite Kili’s injury. It gratified him to have the confirmation of Kili’s affection, but at the same time he knew the damage had been done. There was no stopping to Kili’s curiosity. No command or even pleas could put an end to it. The only thing left was hope. And Thorin fervently hoped that in the end it was still him that Kili chose.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Visit my tumblr for some thorinkili [gifset](http://demonessryu.tumblr.com/tagged/gifset)!


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You will not believe my workload for the past month. Anyway, it's not much, but it's all I can manage with little sleep and even less memory of how to English.

**_Don't say we aren't right for each other. The way I see it, we aren't right for anyone else._**  

“I never thought,” Gandalf murmured.

Thorin’s scowled, the small smile he had after a talk with Kili disappeared. “What do you mean by that?”

Gandalf didn’t seem fazed. He took a long drag of his pipe and glanced at Kili. “It’s a rather unexpected choice you make. But then, I suppose you don’t make the choice, do you?”

Thorin continued to glare. He wasn’t sure where the conversation was leading but he was ready to defend Kili. “And what exactly did you expect?” he growled.

“The same as everyone else. There are certain traits one expects from a royal consort, or a prospective one,” Gandalf said calmly. He blew a ring of smoke to the night air thoughtfully, “Although, following convention isn’t necessarily good. Deviating from what has been in place for a long time, strongly embedded in mind, may prove to be a challenge, however.”

Thorin tightened his lips, thinking of Thror in the large vault in Erebor. His blood sang to him the desire to reclaim the wealth, urging him on to the home he had been forced to leave and bring Erebor to surpass its past glory, with him on a throne adorned with the Arkenstone. He looked away when he caught Gandalf looking at him. He fixed his gaze, instead, on Kili who was joking with the rest of the company, unconcerned for the danger he might be facing, unmarred by deep seated hatred and grief, untainted by the curse running down Thorin’s veins.

“He is well worth the efforts,” he whispered, recalling the peace settling in his heart when Kili was near, the merciful quiet from the hateful voices in his head, the excitement for another minute spent together. Thorin knew it wouldn’t be easy to make people accept Kili, but he would keep trying. There was a spot in his life, which had been vacant for all his life that only Kili could fill. Thorin would not give him up for the world.

“Opposite attacks,” Gandalf mused, drawing an irate glare from Thorin. “Usually, but not this time.”

Thorin tried to detect sarcasm or insult, but saw only honesty. He relaxed and inclined his head slightly to the wizard in acknowledgement. He left to a secluded spot to find some peace. There, he watched Kili tell an exaggerated story to the company, gaining loud raucous laughter. Their eyes met for a brief second and unwittingly Thorin smiled, content to be near his One


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh, yeah, I've neglected this one for too long. Last chapter will be posted next week unless I get impossibly busy.

**_It's not what I feel for you. It's what I don't feel for anyone but you._ **

Thorin never tried to hide the fact that there had been several dwarfs introduced to him in the past in hope of finding him a suitable spouse. He mentioned it in passing to describe his life and responsibilities in Erebor. The introductions barely impacted in his present life and so he hadn’t felt the need to elaborate.

However, Dwalin thought differently, telling Kili about a dwarf who was very nearly be officially called Thorin’s intended, a dwarf who still crossed Thorin’s mind even now. As displeased as Thorin was to have someone bring up his past without his consent, he was no more upset than Kili was.

“Who was he?” Kili asked after days of sending Thorin sullen looks.

Thorin took a deep breath and put the book he was reading on his bedside table. He waited for Kili to join him in his bed, but he resolutely stayed near his bedroom door, so Thorin answered. “His name was Lothar from the Iron Hills. We were distantly related,” Thorin hoped this information was enough to appease Kili, but there was no such luck.

“What was he like?” Kili asked.

Sighing, Thorin recalled the dwarf he had thought he loved. “He was a pleasant dwarf, very kind to everyone and smart as well. He was famous for his skill with double axes and talented with the harp.”

Kili squared his shoulders to appear unaffected. It would’ve worked if Thorin hadn’t known him so well. “You must have gotten along well with him.”

Thorin nodded hesitantly. “We got along famously, being the same age and sharing many similarities. I courted him at my parents’ encouragement.”

Kili’s expression fell, the insecurity Thorin always tried to remove overcame him. “They must have seen that he was the perfect match for you,” he said.

Thorin stood up and approached his troubled lover. “Lothar was a good friend but nothing more. As much as I cared for him, I lacked the passion. The feeling was mutual, so we ended the courtship and a few decades later he perished in a battle.” Thorin spared a moment to wish his good friend peace. “I mourned for his loss and still think of him sometimes, but I didn’t feel for him then what I feel for you now. I don’t feel for _anyone_ in Middle Earth what I feel for you. No one makes me feel content the way you do. No one else I very much want to make happy. For me, there’s simply no one else but you.”

Thorin poured all his heart into his voice, hoping Kili would sense the sincerity of his words. He breathed a sigh of relief Kili smiled to him, the first in too many days. He embraced his young lover, promising his the past and future of his heart in his gesture, grateful he was given the same in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lothar is actually the name of someone in my gaming facebook (yeah, I know, but it's the only kind of game beside The Sims that I can play without dying every five minutes.) I've always thought his name is vaguely dwarf-like, so.


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! The last chapter!

**_What's meant to be will always find a way._ **

Thorin inspected himself in the mirror. He was wearing one of his royal robes, embellished with Durin Folk’s symbol, golden embroideries, and the finest fur. His hair and beard were braided intricately and held in place with mithril beads dotted with gems. Orcrist was at his hip and his crown was atop of his head.

“Ready?” Dwalin asked behind him.

Thorin nodded. “How is Kili?”

“They’ll let us know when he’s ready. Or if he runs,” Dwalin said, grinning. “And you? Having second thoughts?”

“I didn’t argue with Balin and every dwarf lord in Middle Earth only to change my mind on my wedding day,” Thorin said drily.

Dwalin laughed, joined shortly by Thorin. The past year had been difficult. Balin and other dwarf lords worried for the future of Erebor and the gold that lied within it had urged Thorin to marry for alliance, preferably with a lady who could ensure the continuation of the Durin line. With Dis and Dain’s influence, he was finally able to gain approval to marry Kili. While Thorin knew that wasn’t the end of their ordeals, that there were greater challenges in the future, he was content to know he would face them with Kili beside him.

“Dis will kill me if I change my mind.”

“Aye, and she will take pleasure from it,” Dwalin grinned.

Just then a knock was heard on the door. Thorin’s heart thundered when a dwarf announced that everything was ready. He took one last look at his appearance and went to the door but Dwalin stopped him. Thorin raised an eyebrow when he was handed a glass of wine.

“One last drink.”

Thorin didn’t think he needed it, but as he arrived in a room where he was to wait for Kili, he was grateful for the wine. He stood quietly, anxiously repeating in his mind the vow he would recite before his honorable guests, while Balin and Dori discussed everything that had gone wrong that day. Thorin sighed in relief when he heard Dis, Fili and Kili entering the room. Smiling, he turned to welcome his future husband.

“How are you?” Kili asked, grinning. He looked very handsome, rivaled only by the time Thorin confessed his love for him. His robe was not as grand as Thorin but still beautiful, embroidered with his symbol in gold and decorated with pale fur. His hair and his growing beard were braided. Like Thorin, he carried a sword. He looked like a perfect dwarf, a perfect prince consort.

“I’ve never been better.”

They smiled at each other as other dwarfs prepared their entry to the hall where they would marry. Thorin took a deep breath when the door before them opened slowly, revealing the guests’ expectant faces. His eyes met his equally-anxious bridegroom’s and Thorin felt courage flowed through his veins. The wide smile of Kili’s face indicated the same. They entered the hall with confident steps, eager and happy to start the first day of their life together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: This chapter is the only chapter with exactly 500 words (according to MS Word anyway). Thank you, everyone, for your kudos, comments, and bookmarks. As I've mentioned in the first chapter, this was my dream project and I'm really glad that so many people enjoy this fic. It kind of make me want to do more challenges but I'm horrible with writing lately. Anyway, once again, thank you for your support, without which I would have abandoned this project a long time ago, and visit me in my [tumblr](http://demonessryu.tumblr.com/) if you like!


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